They Had Kids!
by Crystal Koneko
Summary: Hiei and Botan haven't been seen by the gang in 2 years. Well, Koenma's forcing them to go to a reunion so the gang can see them, and let's just say everybody loves surprises! Will Yusuke ever overcome the Evil Squirrel Association? I highly doubt it...
1. Where the heck are they?

Well here's another one of my musings... enjoy it, okay? Of course you will! Lot's of humor, and the SMALLEST bit of OOCness, this is in the future you know! There's not too much humor in this chapter, but the rest there will be a lot.

**_Note:_** Quick edit keeps combining some words in the story, and it's really annoying me, but sorry if you find any.

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter 1: Where the heck are they?_

* * *

"Hey Keiko, whatch'ya thinking 'bout? Ain't no other guy is it?" Yusuke asked. Keiko and Yusuke were having lunch and Keiko's been staring out into space for a while now. Just to annoy her, he made the other guy comment. 

"Oh, sorry, Yusuke. I was thinking about Botan again. It really worries me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I miss her a lot, hell, the little guy too! Where are they? Why haven't they contacted us? Damn it!" He shouted, slamming his fist on the table, making it shake. Keiko had to quickly grab her coffee before it tipped over, and glared at Yusuke.

"Yusuke, calm down! I know, we're all worried, but we have to be calm," Keiko reasoned and let off on her glare. She took a dainty sip of her coffee and sighed, leaning back in her chair.

"BE CALM? BE CALM, KEIKO? It's been two years for christ's sake!" Yusuke shouted off the top of his lungs again, making customers at the small restraunt start to whisper, and some even get up and walk out.

"Yusuke, people are starting to stare! Koenma said he found them, right? And he said he was going to have them see us. So don't worry!"

"He said that two weeks ago, Keiko!"

"Yes, I know! But we should trust Koenma!"

"Yeah, whatever Keiko," Yusuke muttered, huffed angrily, and slumped lazily into his seat.

"Don't take that tone with me, Yusuke!" Keiko screeched.

Just when they were about to get into another fight, Kuwabara came bashing through the restaurant door making more people jump and spill their food around the restaurant.

"Guys, guys! Guess what? Koenma said we're having a reunion and Hiei and Botan are coming!" Kuwabara exclaimed and started jumping up and down, scaring the customers even more.

"Oh, Kuwabara, that's wonderful! When is it?" Keiko asked, jumping out of her chair excitedly, making it fall to the floor with a loud 'THUD'.

"Um, let me see, oh! It's in a week, and it's in Reikai," Kuwabara told her, grabbing Yusuke's drink and taking a big sip.

"Awesome! Finally we can see what's been up, and why they haven't come to visit us!" Yusuke jumped out of his seat also, and asked if Kurama knew about the reunion, not even noticing Kuwabara mooching off of him.

"Yeah, he knows, I called him before I came to find you guys."

"Yeah, well, what _doesn't_ Kurama know?" Yusuke asked, and started hooting in victory. The manager angrily stomped over to him and tapped Yusuke's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you're all scaring the customers," the manager told them angrily. Yusuke flipped him off and walked out, "Ah, who cares? This place sucks anyway!"

"Yusuke, you jerk!" Keiko hollered and ran out after him, leaving Kuwabara to pay for the bill.

* * *

"I can't believe Koenma is forcing us to go!" Botan pouted and held the letter about the reunion tightly in her hands. 

"Hn. And he's making us bring Honoo and Hikari. That stupid toddler."

"I can't believe him! ...I guess it was bound to happen anyway. We couldn't hide from them forever, you know," Botansaid and looked away from him.

"Hn. I should kill that idiot. The world would be a lot happier with one less stupid, toddler ruling."

"Oh no, you don't! Just leave him alone, it's been too long anyway," Botan gave Hiei a small, convincing smile.

"Hn. That doesn't mean that the toddler doesn't deserve it."

"Oh, hush! Well, I miss Keiko, Shizuru, and Yukina! And all the boys, too! It won't be so bad," Botan's small smile turned into a bright one and read the paper again, just to make sure she had the time and place right.

"Hn," Hiei grunted and pulled Botan in for a short kiss, making her drop the paper, completely forgetting about it.

((End of Chapter))

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Well there's the first chapter! ...I have nothing to say! -.-;; 


	2. Why are we ALL late?

Thanks for the reviews everyone, sorry I haven't updated in so long!

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter 2: Why are we all late?_

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...One week later... 

((Yusuke and Keiko))

"Yusuke! Come on! We're going to be late, you jerk!" Keiko yelled at Yusuke angrily, pulling him from the mirror and out the door.

"But, Keiko! I'm not finished gelling my hair!"

"You don't need to! I have gel in my purse you can use on the way! Now let's go!" Keiko said, dragging him down the sidewalk.

"You have gel in there?" Yusuke asked with surprise written all over his face, pointing to her purse.

"Well, unlike _some_ people, I like to be prepared!" Keiko responded and yanked his ear for emphasis.

"I _was_ prepared! Prepared to gel my hair!"

"Oh, Yusuke, be quiet and here's the gel. Now start!" Keiko ordered, pushing the gel into his hands.

"But I need a mirror!"

"Use your communicator!"

"But I'll look girly!" Yusuke whined, glancing at all the other people on the sidewalk.

"Too bad! Now start gelling your hair, or _you_ be prepared to sleep on the couch!" Keiko said and huffed, while Yusuke stood there looking horrified.

"Keiko! You evil woman!" Yusuke shouted and started gelling his hair... while looking into his 'communicator', people giving him weird looks. Keiko smiled, and continued pulling him down the sidewalk when he was finished.

"Um, why didn't we tell Yukina again?" Keiko asked hastily, running through the crown with Yusuke in tow.

"It's a surprise! She's been lonely since Hiei left, and she'll be happy to see him. Although I don't see why, the only thing he wants to do is beat the crap out of Kuwabara," Yusuke explained.

"And who's taking her there again?" Keiko asked him, ignoring his comment about Kuwabara and Hiei.

"Actually, we decided to let Kurama. If Kuwabara went... well that would end up a disaster. We had to _pay_ Kuwabara to let Kurama go!" Keiko laughed as Yusuke said this and stopped suddenly.

"Look ahead, Yusuke! We made it!" Keiko looked at her watch and started fuming, "AND WE'RE LATE!"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just go," Yusuke replied off-handedly and walked through the portal, soon followed by Keiko.

When they arrived in the forest, where the reunion picnic was supposed to be... they were the only ones there.

"What the hell? Where is everybody?" Yusuke's complaints could be heard all-round Reikai.

* * *

((Kurama)) 

"Mother I really need to go, or I'm going to be late for my meeting," Kuramatold his motheras he washed the dishes.

"Okay Shuichi, sorry for making you finish the dishes, but I wanted to go water the plants in the garden."

_Yes, but you don't need to water them, I'd keep them healthy all on my own. Oh well, she enjoys doing it. So I'll let her be._

"It's alright mother. Thanks. I'll be home around midnight. Is that okay?" Kurama asked her, a small smile etched on his lips.

"That's fine, dear. Now hurry along and go to your meeting."

"Bye," he said and kissed her on the cheek on his way out the door.

"What a sweet boy I have..." Shiori thought aloud, and went out the back door to go finish watering the plants.

* * *

Kurama panted lightly as he made it up the steps of Genkai's temple. He ran the _whole_ way! Even being a demon, it was a long way for him. 

"Yukina? Are you here?" He called as he walked through the shoji doors.

"Kurama? What are you doing here?" Yukina asked as she walked up behind him, wiping her hands on her kimono. She seemed to have just finished cleaning around the temple.

"Oh, there you are. Come with me, we have a surprise for you."

"Really? That's very sweet of... who's we?" Yukina questioned smiling. It's been a while since she'd been out of the temple.

"The Tantei. And Koenma too... we know you'll enjoy it. Will you come?" Kurama asked with a polite smile.

"Well, where are we going?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt if I tell you. We're going to Reikai. But we'd better hurry, I came kind of late as it is, and we still have to go to the portal in the park."

"Why didn't Koenma just set one up right here in the temple?"

"I don't know," Kurama sighed and grabbed Yukina's hand in his own, "You don't mind if we run do you? The portal is only going to be up a limited amount of time."

"Of course I don't mind," she replied smiling. Kurama immediately started quickening there pace, running down the temple steps. He'd be damned if he didn't make it in time!

_All this running is really going to wear me out... it doesn't matter though. It's for a good cause._ Kurama thought and gradually started going faster, making sure that Yukina could keep up.

Kurama suddenly slowed as the portal came into view. Finally, they made it! After pushing through all of those lazy people! Thank Kami!

"All right Yukina, here we are," Kurama told her as they walked through the portal. As soon as they got there, somebody came running up and hugged Yukina.

"There you guys are! We thought we came to the wrong place or something!" Keiko exclaimed and let go of Yukina.

"What do you mean?" Kurama asked her, givingher a quizzical look.

"Well look around, do you see anybody else?" Yusuke remarked sarcastically, coming up behind Keiko.

"Seems we weren't as late as you thought, Kurama," Yukina said to him, giving him an innocent smile.

"Well, you guys _are_ late, but so is everybody else," Yusuke frowned and started examining the place some more, "It's a nice place to have a picnic I guess... as long as there are no squirrels here, they'll steal all the food!"

"What _is_ it with you and squirrels?" Keiko ground out and poked his side. He _always_ had something to say against them nowadays.

"Bad childhood experiences," Yusuke replied and shrugged it off.

* * *

((Kuwabara and Shizuru)) 

"Why do I have to have such an idiot for a brother?" Shizuru mumbled to herself as Kuwabara ran around screaming about not being able to find Ekichi.

"Kazuma, we had Ekichi taken to the vet to get fixed this morning, how can you _not_ remember?"

_And he claims to love the cat. Psh._ Shizuru thought and Kuwabara suddenly came to a hault and started crying about not getting any kittens now.

"Shut _up_, already! We're not going to make it if you don't start moving!" Shizuru told him with clenched teeth and hit Kuwabara over the head with a pillow from the couch.

"Alright already, Sis! Kami!" Kuwabara complained and grabbed his shoes, then started walking out the door.

"Aren't you going to put those on?" Shizuru asked with a raised eyebrow, walking beside him and lighting a cigarette.

"Put what on?"

"Your shoes, baka!" Shizuru hissed, very agitated.

"Oh... oh yeah, I am! Thanks sis!"

"Yeah, whatever. Now let's get going, your idiocies are making us late," Shizuru said and started pushing people out of her way, "Move, already! Unless you want me to _make_ you move!"

_I hope my Ice Princess got there all right._ Kuwabara thought absent mindedly and ran after his sister who was about to pummel some guy who wouldn't get out of her way.

"Is that the portal?" Kuwabara asked his sister as they got to the secluded part of the park.

"What do you think?" Shizuru replied sarcastically and walked through the portal.

"I don't know... I mean it's all green and black and all... but still! It could be like, a black hole or something!" Kuwabara started talking to Shizuru... who wasn't there... so now he was talking to himself.

"Sis? Sis where'd you go! OH, NO! DID THE BLACK HOLE GET YOU? DO NOT FEAR, I KAZUMA KUWABARA WILL SAVE YOU, SHIZURU KUWABARA!" He then started a speech about how great he was, and finally walked through the portal three minutes later to find his sister.

When he entered the portal he was greeted by his glaring sister, "Took you long enough."

"Shizuru? YOU'RE OKAY!"

"Of course I am! What's wrong with you? ...Wait. Don't answer that, I'd be here all day if you did," shemutteredand walked over to where Kurama was and started a conversation with him about demon religions. (Demon Religion! O.O)

* * *

((Koenma)) 

"Ogre! Start stamping my papers!"

"Sir? Why do _I_ have to stamp _your_ papers?"

"Because I said so, Ogre! I'm going to the reunion to make sure Hiei and Botan show up. Plus, I would like to see my best ferry girl after two years. NOW GET TO WORK YOU LAZY BEAST!" Koenma shouted and pointed at four stacks of paper piled on his desk.

"Humph," and with that, Ogre got to work and Koenma went to the reunion to mingle.

Koenma decided he'd like to pop up right next to Yusuke, "Boo."

"AH! A SQUIRREL!" Yusuke screamed and ran behind Keiko, who slapped her forehead and pushed Yusuke away from her.

-.-

"Do I _look_ like a squirrel to you?" Koenma asked annoyed, Yusuke screamed right in his ear.

"I'm not sure... maybe..." Yusuke narrowed his eyes suspiciously and went to go grab a soda, dismissing the matter completely.

* * *

((Hiei and Botan)) 

"Hiei, let's go, already! Koenma said we _had_ to go!" Botan yelled at Hiei, who out of nowhere, decided he wasn't going.

"Hn."

"Hiei, please! I really want to go! I miss all of them so much! Besides, you took care of any threats from the other two kingdoms in Makai, so Honoo and Hikari will be fine!" Botan pleaded and let her bottom lip quiver a little.

"Onna, you can't make me go," Hiei told her with a note of finallity in his voice.

"B-but, if you d-don't I'll have to face them all a-alone," Botan whined while sobbing and put her face in her hands to 'cry' some more. Hiei's face slowly but surely softened and he finally gave in.

"Fine," as soon as Hiei grunted that out, Botan jumped up and hugged Hiei, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yay! I knew you'd see it my way! Now we can all go together! You're the best Hi-koi!" Botan said and kissed Hiei on the cheek.

"That's all?" Hiei pouted. It's not something he normally did, but hey, he expected more than a kiss on the cheek!

_Why does he have to pout like that? He knows I can't stand it! It's just so kawaii..._

"Y-yes, that's all. We don't have any time! We're let's see... FORTY MINUTES LATE! SHOOT! COME ON, GRAB HONOO, AND I'LL GET HIKARI AND LET'S MOVE OUT TROOPS!" Botan saluted Hiei, grabbed Hikari, and ran out the door.

"Hn. Baka onna," Hiei sighed, and also grabbed Honoo. He slowly walked out the door thinking: _How the _hell_ did the onna get me to come again?_

"Finally! What took you so long to get out the door?"

"Hn."

Botan sighed and grabbed for her communicator, which was... dusty?

_I guess that's what I get for not using the thing in years..._

"What are you doing, onna?"

"Well, I'm calling Koenma, he was supposed to send us a portal! We can't all fit on my oar you know!"

"I know that!" Hiei grit his teeth and looked away boredly.

"Okay, then! Oh, hey somebody's answering it! ...Ogre? Why do you have a communicator?" Botan asked, a confused look adorning her face.

On the other side of the line Ogre answered, "Koenma-sama went to the reunion already."

"Well then, could you send us a portal?"

"Alright Botan, just give me the coordinates." Ogre replied and Botan gave him their location, just as Botan was about to shut the communicator, Ogre spoke up, "Oh, and Botan?"

"Hm? Yes, what is it?"

"It's good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Ogre," Botan smiled brightly at him, then shut the communicator.

"Did you get one?" Hiei asked besides her, acting like he wasn't that interested.

"Yup! It should be here any second now!"

"Hn. I can't believe you made me go to this thing."

"Oh, but your too kawaii not to bring!" Botan said, teasing him.

"Don't call me cute."

"But look at you holding Honoo! That's _so_ KAWAII!"

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Is not."

"Is to- ... Bingo! The portal is here!"

"Hn," Hiei wrapped his free arm around Botan, and pulled her through the portal. (Remember he was holding Honoo.)

As they walked through, they could hear Kuwabara say, "Where the heck is Shorty? Probably wasn't gonna come in the first place, the wimp!" Hiei growled and fissioned with Botan and Honoo in his arms, behind Kuwabara.

"The only reason I wouldn't come is because I wouldn't want to be infected by your stupidity, baka!"

* * *

((End of Chapter)) 

Yes, I know you hate me for leaving it there, but I just couldn't resist!


	3. Oh how we LOVE surprises!

'Ello everyone! Thanks again for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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**They Had Kids!**  
_Chapter Three: Oh, how we LOVE Surprises!_

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN INFECTED BY MY STUPIDITY? SHORTY YOU JER- ...Oh, holy god! WHO'S THE MINI SHRIMP?" Kuwabara wailed, freaking out, looking at Honoo, whowas giggling with a bubble blowing out from his nose. 

"That doesn't look like any normal mini shrimp! It looks exactly like Hiei! Execpt with the different hair color!" Yusuke gagged, staring at the 'Mini Shrimp'. Honoo, in Hiei's arm, had dark blue hair and a light blue starburst, with red eyes.

Everyone else... well they just stared. A lot.

"Uh... anything else you want to tell us? ...Botan how about you?" Koenma asked with a nervous frown, already knowing what was going on. Everyone's gaze suddenly turned to Botan.

"Um... ehe... well, there was this one thing I wanted to tell you guys..." Botan trailed off, getting anxious with all the intense stares coming her way.

"That being?" Kurama asked, extremely interested, even though he already knew from the moment he saw the two children what was going on.

"Um... this?" Botan giggled nervously, holding out Hikari for everyone to see. Hikari just gave everyone a raspberry, not liking the attention.

"Botan. Please tell me those are _not_ yours and HIEI'S!" Shizuru exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"YEAH! That would just be plain freaky!" Yusuke agreed while grimacing. He walked over to Hikari and looked her in the eyes. Hikari was their daughter and had black hair with white tips on the bangs and pink eyes. Botan had her short hair in a pony tail and she was wearing a black kimono.

"Nah. You can't be Hiei's kid. You're too cute!" Yusuke laughed and put his finger in front of Hikari's nose, going to tickle her. But she lifted her face up and clamped on his finger with her already grown in fangs.

"OW! SHE BIT ME! SHE'S WORKING FOR THE SQUIRRELS!"

"Oh, would you stop it with the squirrels? Please, Yusuke, she's an infant!" Keiko yelled and smacked him upside the head.

"Well, to answer your question Shizuru, yes, they _are_ Hiei's and mine," Botan said, after praising Hikari for biting Yusuke. (Praising her?)

"Oh, my... is that true Hiei?" Yukina asked politely, turning to Hiei. Now all eyes were on him.

"Hn. So what if it is?"

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHORTY HOOKED UP WITH SOMEONE!" Kuwabara exclaimed in horror while pointing at Hiei.

"Like it would ever happen to you, baka," Hiei grunted and Honoo started giggling again. Hiei smirked at his son and turned to Kuwabara once again, "Oh, look at that. Even _he_ knows you're a baka."

"Oh, wow Hiei-san! I'm so happy for you!" Yukina said, giving him a brilliant smile, "May I hold him?"

"Hn," Hiei blushed from his sister's attention and handed Honoo over to Yukina gently. Yukina's smile got wider and she started cooing at the infant. Hiei stared on proudly.

"OH! Can I hold Hikari, Botan?" Keiko finally ran up and gave Botan puppy dog eyes.

"Um, sure Keiko! Why not?" Botan said, hesitating. She handed over Hikari, and instantly the child started crying.

"Botan what do I do? Why is she crying?" Keiko asked frantically, trying to figure out why the little girl was crying.

"Yup, that proves it. Keiko's evil!" Yusuke stated and started cackling.

"Watch it, Yusuke! At least I didn't get my finger bitten!" Keiko snapped at him, and then looked pleadingly at Botan for help.

Botan happily took Hikari from her arms and started humming a soft tune. Hikari suddenly calmed down and drifted to sleep.

"I'm starved. How about we eat and talk about this over some grub?" Koenma suggested and raced over to the picnic basket.

"I call first dibs!" Yusuke yelled and ran after Koenma, easily catching up.

Soon enough, everyone was settled down to eat on a blanket. Botan gently placed Hikari down next to her, and on her other side, Hiei sat cross-legged with Honoo in his lap.

"Look, Hiei! Ice cream!" Botan exclaimed happily and pulled over a few cartons. (How much Ice cream do you need? O.O)

Kurama, after being quiet this whole time, finally spoke up, "So, why have you two been gone for so long? You just up and left without any word."

"Mukuro needed to stop the beginning of a war between her lands and some other lands, and she needed Hiei to help," Botan offered her two cents, and took a bite out of her ham sandwich. Hiei was too busy downing his ice cream to even answer. Not that he was going to anyway...

Kurama looked at Honoo and noticed he was pointing to his mouth and making hungry whimpers. Kurama sweatdropped and got Hiei's attention.

"What's wrong with you, Kitsune?" Hiei asked while downing some more ice cream.

"Eh... I think your son is a little hungry there..." Kurama stated and Honoo whimpered again.

"What do you want, boy?" Hiei glared down at the infant in his arms and poked at Honoo's chest. Honoo giggled again, and made another motion pointing at his mouth and frowned.

"Hungy, dada!" Honoo tried to say and started pulling at Hiei's fingers. Hiei just stared at him and grunted.

"He said dada! That's _so_ cute!" Keiko exclaimed and turned to Yusuke.

"I want one _just_ like him. So you'd better get your act together, Yusuke Urameshi!" She said and Yusuke turned bright red.

"Whatever, Keiko. You just remember to get _your_ act together. Evil woman!"

"Yusuke, you jerk!" Keiko yelled and slapped him a good five-star, then turned to eat again.

Hiei was _still_ sitting there, staring at Honoo.

"Hiei! Would you feed him already?" Botan hissed angrily at her mate, and gave him a glare that said you'd- better- or- you're- sleeping- outside- tonight.

"Hn. Fine, onna," Hiei grunted and got Honoo some ice cream. Honoo gratefully swallowed the sweet concoction and was contented again.

"Alright, well since you told me why you had to leave, mind telling me when you two got together?" Kurama asked with curious eyes. Even _he_ never saw this coming.

Botan of course, had to answer for both of them again, "Well, a little before then I guess..." she trailed off, blushing immensely.

"Hn. We were stuck in a room in Reikai for a few days."

"Are you serious? How come you were stuck?" Shizuru asked, taking a bite of her own sandwich.

"Baka toddler wouldn't take off the seal on the room. Said we had to learn to get along or something like that. Guess it worked," Hiei sneered at Koenma and went back to give Honoo some more ice cream.

"Oh, well then how did Honoo and Hikari come to be, hm?" Yusuke asked, grinning pervertedly.

"The same room," Hiei answered nonchalantly and had a spoonful of ice cream of his own.

"Hiei! Don't tell them that!" Botan yelped, blushing even more.

"Hn. I Already did. Anything else you want to know, Kitsune?"

"Yes, actually. Why did you not contact us at all?"

"Hn. Didn't feel like it."

"Hiei! Oh, don't listen to him guys, he's just crabby today. One of the leaders of the war that almost came to be, well, when Mukuro and Hiei managed to break up the organization, they got angry. They sent over a spy to Mukuro's palace. They found out I was pregnant. There were a few... problems," Botan said bluntly.

"One more question," Kurama said, looking at the two children.

"Oh, well ask away!" Botan chirped and clapped her hands happily. It was just so nice to see everyone again...

"Who's older? Honoo or Hikari?"

"They're twins, silly!" Botangiggled.

_I thought so. _Kurama thought and nodded.

"So, what did you guys do while we were gone?"

"Yusuke chased squirrels, Kuwabara was annoying, Kurama and I got together, Yukina took care of Genkai's temple, and Keiko went to school. It was really boring without you two," Shizuru answered boredly and played with some grass next to her.

"Are you two going to come back to Ningenkai, now? Or at least visit us?" Yukina asked timidly. When Botan left, she had lost one of her best friends. And since Hiei left with her, she lost the person she thought of as her brother. (She doesn't know yet!)

"Hn. We'll visit you. But I don't want to live here. I don't like Ningenkai," He growled, not at his sister, but at the thought of having to deal with annoying ningens for the rest of his life. No thank you. But he could never turn down his sister, and he wanted to see her every now and then anyway.

"Hiei! I like Ningenkai! I want to live there!" Botan pouted.

"Hn, no. We live in a castle. What more do you need, onna? Plus, my favorite tree is there."

"Humph! Fine then!" Botan glared and started eating her sandwich more savagely.

"Well guys, it's getting really boring here, how about us girls go shopping? The guys can go and do whatever they want and take the twins with them," Shizuru suggested.

And in unison of course, all the guys answered, "HECK NO!"

"Heck yes!"

"Heck no!"

Heck no!" The girls said, wicked grins adorning their features.

"Heck yes!" The guys said and their eyes widened. Mutters such as damn could be heard, but whatever right? Although Kurama was a bit sour that he had actually been fooled so easily. It just wasn't like him.

"Bingo! Then it's a date! Well let's be on our way girls," Botan said merrily while rounding all the girls up to go to the mall.

"Do you have any money?" Kuwabara asked, hoping to get his way out of staying with Shorty and watching the mini shorties.

"Me and Shizuru have credit cards," Keiko told him and started walking off to the portal Koenma set up when nobody was paying attention.

"Okay, we're off! You boys behave, and Hiei keep your eye on Honoo and Hikari!" (Your _eye_. Get it? His Jagan eye. Ha, okay it wasn't that funny. -.-)

"Hn."

And with that, the girls disappeared into the portal and groans of agony could be heard coming from the guys.

"I'll bet you the squirrels put them up to this!" Yusuke exclaimed and looked around suspiciously.

"Urameshi, shut up about the stupid squirrels!"

* * *

Mustard: Next chapter, Honoo and Hikari wreak havoc and yeah... other stuff happens. -.-;; 


	4. The ESA

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. But of course, we own Hikari and Honoo. Ah, such kawaii little twins they are.

Review responses:

Robin Autumn- Yes! You are SO right! I'll defiantly do that soon! Thanks for the review! (That is SUCH a great idea!)

Fwoggie- The squirrels. Yes. They are VERY cool! MWAHAHAHAHA :coughs:

Night's Temptest44- Yup, it's a reoccurring theme that's going to be in most of my stories. They need a bit of humor here and there, ne?

MoonSilverEyes- Ok, I'll tell you. But it's going to be later in the story. I have the whole thing planned out, so don't worry!

BlazingBotan- I luvz your name! It just reminds me so much of... Botan! ...ehe... -.-;;

kukiANDwally- Thanks! Glad you enjoy it!

LivingImpared- Why thank you! Yeah, I liked that glare too!

Hieigirl10- I think I already mailed you about this, but whatever. Yeah, sure I'll put her in!

Hiei/botan4ever- This was a very short update for me, so be proud k!

Hieis gurl Botan- Yeah, my IM isn't working again. Really sucks huh?

CatStar14- eh... I understood about half of what you said. But thanks for the review anyway! I like the weird ones that you have to really think about!

Ryosgirlfriend- THANK YOU!

Tyedye/Rin- I know, I just love Honoo and Hikari!

Kitsune Kit- They are! I took the idea from my friend who was ACTUALLY attacked by a squirrel!

Youko's slave- Here's the next chapter!

Alex- Yup, Honoo and Hikari are my favorite part of the story.

Tsukiakari Anei- That's flattering! Really it is! –blushes-

Bubble wheel- Ugh, school stinks. I hate going to a new school!

Goddess Hope- Nope, never. Yusuke will never shut up about the squirrels! –grins-

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter Four: The E.S.A._

* * *

"I can't believe we're stuck here watching Shrimp's brats!" Kuwabara ranted loudly and started kicking a rock. 

"Well Koenma, since you're the toddler prince, what should we do? You know, since you have _first-hand experience_ with kids," Yusuke said slyly and cackled.

"How should I know Yusuke? ...Why don't we go to the park or something?" Koenma shrugged.

_Now I can pick up some hot girls!_ He though happily and decided that was the best idea he's come up with in years.

"Fine," the other said in unison. Hiei grabbed Honoo and Kurama picked up Hikari. Koenma created a portal to the park, and the rest of the Reikai Tantei stepped through.

_Time to go girl hunting._ Koenma grinned in perverted glee and skipped in after them.

As soon as they arrived at the park, Honoo started tugging on Hiei's hair and pointing to the swings.

"Sing, dada! Sing!"

"What the-! I'm not singing for you, boy. Hn. That's the onna's job."

"Sing! Sing!"

Kurama sweat dropped again and told Hiei that Honoo wanted to go on the swings.

"Hn. Baka Kitsune. He said sing!"

"Yes, but he _meant_ swing."

"Hn!" Hiei growled and went over to put Honoo on the swings...

"How the heck does this ningen contraption work?" Hiei shouted, pointing to the swing that Honoo was sitting on. Yusuke and Kuwabara laughed while Kurama handed over Hikari to Kuwabara and went over to show Hiei how to work the swings.

Hikari then started to pull at Kuwabara's hair, like Honoo did to Hiei, and pointed to the swings, "Sing, ugly! Sing!"

Yusuke fell on the ground laughing, and started rolling around hysterically.

Hiei heard it and smirked, holding back a laugh. Kurama couldn't help but chuckle, and Kuwabara glared at Hikari mumbling something about brats and walked over to the swing to put Hikari in one.

"Hey, where'd the diaper dunce go?" Yusuke asked after he stopped rolling around on the ground.

* * *

"Sooo, do you come here often?" Koenma asked the three year old girl on the other side of the teeter-totter. The girl just sucked on her own pacifier and pushed up on her side of the teeter-totter.

* * *

"Oh, it's a great day to get a break from Hiei and the twins! Hiei has such an attitude!" Botan chirped happily, twirling around the sidewalk. 

"I'd imagine," Keiko said believingly while carrying ARMFULLS of bags.

"Hey, there's Starbucks over there, you guys want some coffee?" Shizuru asked, pulling out a cigarette.

"Um, what's coffee?" Yukina asked politely and waited for an answer.

"Oh, well it's like tea, but has more taste!" Botan giggled and grabbed Yukina to go to Starbucks... while Keiko and Shizuru walked the other way.

"Hey, where are you guys going?" Keiko called over to Yukina and Botan on the other side of the road.

"To Starbucks, silly!" Botan called to her and then got a confused look in her eyes.

"What's wrong Botan-chan?" Yukina asked worriedly, looking up at her.

"Well... there's another Starbucks right across the street."

Shizuru turned around and looked to the shop next to Starbucks, "And there's another one!" Keiko looked down the street to see another one, "And that one too!"

"And there's one right on the other side of this one!" Botan stated, eyes wide.

"They're everywhere!" Keiko shuddered, panicking. The whole street was _full_ of them!

"Hm. I counted fifty-seven. That's odd. I thought ningens liked to vary the shops around town," Yukinastated, looking around curiously.

"Yes well, I think this is a bit weird..." Botan trailed off, looking around suspiciously.

"Well, since we're here, who's up for coffee?" Shizuru laughed and walked into a random Starbucks.

Before she walked in a thought suddenly occurred to Botan.

_I wonder how Hiei's doing...

* * *

_

"Hn. Who cares where the toddler is. He's the one who made us come to this useless reunion."

"Yeah, guess you're right. Now I won't have to do any more missions," Yusuke said cheerfully... until an acorn hit his head.

"OH, GOD! THEY'RE BACK! DUCK AND RUN! TAKE COVER!" Yusuke screamed and started running in circles.

"How long has the baka detective had this stupid obsession?" Hiei asked annoyed.

"About a month after you left. You get used to it after a while," Kurama answered and watched Yusuke hide under a bench.

Kuwabara, who wasn't even paying attention, was looking at Hikari, "Hey, you think these little squirts can talk?"

"A few words. Baka, she already called you ugly!" Hiei smirked and went back to watching the detective hide in various places.

"I think it would be interesting to get them to try and say some new words," Kurama said in his matter- of- fact tone.

"Hn. Enjoy yourselves," Hieimuttered and went to go sleep in his old tree.

"Since Honoo seems to be the nice one, why don't we teach him to say Bingo? Just like Botan," Kurama suggested, and Kuwabara nodded. Hiei snapped one eye open and glared down at Kurama from his tree.

_Damn, not another Bingo master._

"Come on Honoo, say Bingo for Uncle Kuwabara! Come on, you can do it!"

Hikari looked up from the swing, and pointed to Kuwabara again, "Ugly!"

Hiei almost fell out of his tree from that one.

"Quiet, mini shrimp!"

"Alright, well how about for Good Ole' Kitsune. Say Bingo?" Kurama smiled down at Honoo cheerily.

"Biggo!" Honoo shouted happily and started jumping up and down.

"Very close, let's try it again shall we? B-i-n-g-o!"

"Biggo! Biggo! Biggo! Biggo!" Honoo started shouting it repeatedly. Kurama just smiled awkwardly and gave up.

"Alright, your turn mini shrimp. Say it!" Kuwabara commanded and waited for her to say 'Bingo!'

"Ugly!" she shouted and went back to trying to swing on the swing.

"Can't you say anything else, you little brat?" Kuwabara yelled angrily and threw his hands up in the air.

Hiei glared at Kuwabara as a warning not to mess with his kid and went back to his nap.

"Well?" Kuwabara stomped his foot and started throwing a fit.

"Hn. Ugly."

"Well, I would call that something else!" Yusuke shouted from behind his rock and then went back to contemplating where the squirrels could be hiding.

"You brat! Anything else besides that!"

"Baka!" Hikari glared and then just totally ignored Kuwabara all together.

Hiei grinned madly up from his tree and decided they weren't worth his time, and went to sleep... again.

"Man, she is an evil little kid! She must be the spawn of a squirrel... and in cahoots with them too!" Yusuke said after crawling away from his rock and over to the rest of the gang.

"Hn. I am not a squirrel, detective."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Hiei."

While this was taking place... Kuwabara was getting his revenge.

"Go on, mini shrimp! Eat it! You know you want to! It's yummy and tasty and it's... good!" Kuwabaracooed, trying to convince Hikari to eat an...

...acorn.

Hiei growled viciously and fissioned down to smack Kuwabara over the head with the hilt of his katana.

"Biggo! Yay, dada!" Honoo shouted and giggled some more. Hikari just glared at Kuwabara and muttered ugly.

* * *

"Ah, that was a good latte!" Botan cheered, walking down the side walk once again. 

"I liked the beverage called... cappuccino," Yukina added with a smile on her face.

"Hey guys, there's a cheese shop. Yusuke said he needed some cheese the other day... he said it was to make peace with some squirrels or something. But I really don't think that's what its for. Oh well, I guess I can get some anyway," Keiko shrugged and walked into the cheese shop.

The other girls followed, and when they walked through the door, they just stared at the cheese that wasn't there.

"Hey, where's all the cheese?" Keiko asked angrily and started huffing around, looking for the manager. She found him, and pulled him out of a closet.

"Um excuse me sir, where is your cheese?"

"Cheese?"

_What the-! Is this guy some kind of fruit loop?_

"Yes, this is a cheese shop. Where's the cheese?" Botan offered for Keiko and started looking around the shop.

"What is this... cheese you speak of?" the owner asked, completely confused.

"Cheese, you idiot! You sell it here! This is a cheese shop!" Shizuru grit out, getting completely fed up with the guy.

"We do not sell cheese here," and he went back to his closet... which had a squirrel running around in it! ...And was that a walkie-talkie on its side? Maybe Yusuke was right and they really _were_ spies... nah.

_Note to self: never take Yusuke to a cheese shop._ Keiko mentally noted and started asking for some cheese.

"Cheddar?"

"No. No cheese."

"Swiss?"

"No. No Swiss."

"Mozzarella?"

"No! No cheese!"

"Fine! Ya jerk! I'm never coming here again! ...Not that I would! Because you have no cheese anyway!" Keiko fumed and stomped out of the shop.

"Who in the world has a cheese shop with no cheese?" Botan wondered aloud and glanced back at it.

"Obviously, that guy was some kind of fruit cake," Shizuru said and dismissed the subject all together.

* * *

Hiei moved away from Kuwabara and grabbed his kids. He put them on a bench and Honoo asked, "Biggo?" 

"No. No Biggo," Hiei told him and Honoo just smiled at him anyway.

"I've got it! They're watching us from the trees!" Yusuke shouted out of nowhere and went running in some random direction.

"Urameshi! Come back! The squirrels aren't worth it!" Kuwabara called after him and ran in the direction Yusuke went in.

"Looks like we'd better find them. We'll probably need to do damage control," Kurama sighed and calmly stalked off in that same direction. Hiei did his signature 'Hn.' And followed forgetting the twins.

(Okay, I _know_ Hiei would never forget them if this were real. But it's not real. So... he did.)

When everyone met up except Yusuke, they saw a note lying on the ground.

"What's this? It looks important. We'd better read it," Kurama said mostly to himself, picking up the note and reading it, "Well, this can't be good."

"What? What is it?" Kuwabara asked eagerly.

_Dear friends of Yusuke the Destroyer,_

_If you ever want to see the idiot or Hiei's kodomos again,_

_Leave 500 acorns at the base of the big oak tree in the middle of the park._

_If you don't... well then, I don't think you want to know what happens._

_Signed,_

_The E.S.A_

_(Evil Squirrel Association)_

"Damn it!Botan is going to kill me!" Hiei groaned in agony.

* * *

Alright! Got another done! Hope you all liked it! 

Mustard: Now all we need you to do is review! So, go do it!

Me: Do you have to be so blunt?

Mustard: Of course I do! Duh!

Me: -.-;;

(Kodomo means child for those of you who got confused. When I wrote this my friend was giving me the what-the-heck-is-that! Look.)


	5. We are SO dead!

Hello everyone. You have NO idea how busy I've been! I'm so sorry for not updating lately. My basement flooded twice from the last two hurricanes, plus I've got schoolwork and tennis... anyway. WE GOT PAST 100 REVIEWS! HAPPY DAY! THANKS GUYS!

NOTE: One more thing, though. I've seen about ten H/B stories with the Yusuke and squirrels thing in them. I was the first person to write this kind of stuff, so please, if you want to use them, just ASK! I won't say you can't, I'll be flattered. But, people just assume its ok, and it's really very rude. I know maybe some people just thought of it (which isn't very likely) and I'm not really going to judge you about it or anything, just ask though! PLEASE!

* * *

To the best reviewers in the WORLD: 

**Robin Autumn**: so you've noticed it too? Thanks for your review. And I'll try to get the story out soon!

**Fwoggie**: I don't know where I come up with this stuff either...

**Youko's slave**: Eh... can we consider this soon?

**Alex**: Thanks! Hope you like this one!

**Blazing Botan**: Yes, she WILL kill him!

**Bar-Ohki**: -snickers- blow things up? I like the way you think! –grins evilly-

**Hieis gurl Botan**: Well I can AIM now! YAYZ!

**Botan-Jaganshi**: Thanks for your review!

**Botan-Hiei-Daughter**: eh... thanks! –smiles-

**Poptart**: you're like the fifth person who said that. Thanks! Much appreciated!

**Yusuke brat**: yeah, that was my favorite part too!

**Goddess-Hope**: They do don't they? MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Pocky-and-Fred**: That is a hilarious review! –talks into own walkie talkie- Code red! Code red! They know that we know! Prepare the nut crackers!

**TyeDye/Rin**: Well here's the next chapter. Hope it satisfies your needs, ne?

**Sugar-High Tenshi**: All right, I'll add that part in! But I'm not sure if it's going to be in this chapter or the next. It all depends... Oh and your name in this fic is going to be Tenshi. And I'm adding an acorn crown to your head, just for effect. LoL.

**Botan-cute-spiritgirl**: I really don't want Kurama to eat me, so here's the next chapter...

**E.S.A. Leader**: ((O.O)) Uh-oh...

**Kitsune-Kit**: Thanks! Hope you like this one just as much!

**Bubble Wheel**: Thanks! I know, she is SO a daddy's girl!

**LivingImpared**: YOU WERE THE 100TH REVIEW! THANKS SO MUCH! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WIN... CAPS LOCK LETTERS! -.-;;

**MazyLover**: well, it's you're lucky day, because that's one of the pairings!

**Kitty2Satan**: That's the point. You aren't supposed to understand! Thanks for the review!

**MystiKoorime**: YOU'RE ALIVE! PRAISE THE LORD!

**Yusukelover13**: That is such a GREAT idea! I'm using it! Thanks for the review!

**Sara-chan**: Thanks... I hope your head is still there...

**JenChang**: I'll think about it... thanks for your review!

**Hiei Jaganshi's flame**: We love Hikari too... and we hate Kuwa! BWAHAHAHA! Thanks!

* * *

Disclaimer:I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter Five: We are SO dead_

* * *

"Damn it! Botan is going to kill me!" Hiei groaned in agony.

"Yes, well you _did_ leave your kids in the forest to get kidnapped! You moron! What were you thinking?" Kurama exclaimed to Hiei, who looked flabbergasted.

"Did you just call me a moron, Kitsune?" Hiei growled out after shaking off his surprise.

"What did you expect, Hiei? A nice little pat on the back? They're almost like my niece and nephew!" Kurama yelled, fed up with the whole day.

"You-"Hiei started, but was cut off by Kuwabara.

"We're never going to get that many acorns in one day! Now Urameshi is gonna die! And the mini shrimps too! It's the end of the world!"

"You baka! They're not going to die!" Hiei yelled, and tackled Kuwabara.

"You shrimp! Don't tackle me!" Kuwabaragrowled and went to punch Hiei, who moved out of the way.

"Hn. Shut up. I need to figure out how I'm going to tell the onna when she gets back."

Kuwabara's eyes widened and he gave Hiei a sympathetic look, "Man. You're screwed!"

"Hn, thanks for the confidence booster, you baka."

"Shorty has confidence?" Kuwabara pondered to himself out-loud and Hiei gave him a dirty look.

"Well, how do you suppose we go about telling Botan?" Kurama asked, rubbing his chin.

"I'll be sleeping on the couch for weeks!" Hiei exclaimed, completely horrified.

"Hiei, calm down. I'm sure Botan won't make you sleep on the couch for weeks. No, not for weeks, for _months_!" Kurama said, rubbing it in a little. Hiei looked like he was about to keel over just from thinking about it.

"M-months?" Hiei gulped. Would Botan really be that cruel?

...Of course she would! Oh yes, Yusuke really got Hiei in a fix this time. Baka detective!

"Ha ha, shorty! That's what you get!" Kuwabara instigated and started going on and on about how evil Hiei was. Hiei just stood there, looking like all the sweet snow in the world has melted...

"Now, now," Kurama coaxed, "we need to start looking for those acorns."

Kuwabara froze, and started freaking out, "We'll never find that many acorns! Urameshi was right for once! The squirrels are out to get us! Just look what they did to Urameshi! He's stupider than before! And five hundred acorns? Are these squirrels crazy? ...Of course they are! But we'll never get that many acorns in one day!"

"More paranoid than before..." Kurama mumbled and started to go gather acorns.

* * *

"I STILL can't believe that cheese shop had no cheese!" Keiko exclaimed and stomped down the sidewalk with her three friends. They kept about a foot away, afraid of her. 

"I know! I mean that's just... weird!" Botan replied, walking up to her despite the fact Keiko was still raving mad.

"Whatever. I'm just going to pretend that never happened," Shizuru joined the conversation and lit up a cigarette.

"I wonder how the boys are doing?" Yukina pondered aloud, and everything went quiet for a minute.

"They probably destroyed half of Rekai by now... HOW COULD WE LEAVE THEM FOR THIS LONG? AND YUSUKE! DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIM! OH NO! ALL THE TREES ARE PROBABLY BURNING DOWN TO A CRISP FROM HIS SQUIRREL ISSUES! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?" Keiko freaked out and started mumbling incoherent phrases.

"Keiko... calm down. Yusuke can't be that bad with his squirrel problems can he?" Botan asked, putting her hand on Keiko's shoulder. Everything went silent again... and everybody started at Botan, even the people who she _didn't_ know that were just walking by, making Botan blush a scarlet red.

"You haven't seen Yusuke around squirrels have you?" Shizuru asked pointedly, sighed, and started walking back in the direction of the park, where she could call for a portal without any normal ningen seeing.

"Hey! Wait up! He can't be _that_ bad! Right? Right?" Botan yelled and ran after her. The other people on the sidewalk just shook their heads at the bluette's clueless-ness and continued on their merry ways.

"Well, let's catch up to them, shall we Yukina?" Keiko asked grinning.

"We shall," Yukina smiled lightly and hooked her arm to Keiko's. The two girls walked calmly up the street, hearing Botan's and Shizuru's bout about Yusuke's squirrel dementia.

* * *

((The moment you've all been waiting for... Yusuke!)) 

Yusuke was currently tied up in the middle of a throne room (he was up in an oak tree, that was in the middle of the throne room), trying to wriggle his way out of the Yusuke-proof ropes that the squirrels made.

On the throne was a girl about 4'6, with long red hair and blue-green eyes. She was wearing a long purple dress with no sleeves, and a white tank top over it. There was a crown made of acorns around her head and red triangles were painted on her face (tribal thing...). She looked over to her faithful squirrel comrades and asked, "You have the brats right?"

Her right hand squirrel, Fish, who was perched on her shoulder answered, "We've got them right here Lady Tenshi."

The squirrel General, Monkey, held up Honoo and Hikari.

"Very good Fish and Monkey. What about the baka who tried to destroy our friends?"

"Taken care of my lady..." Monkey said and grinned like a maniac... even though squirrels can't grin... but he did! I swear it!

* * *

((Somewhere in the oak tree... n.n)) 

"No more! Please, no more!" Yusuke begged as he got pelted in the head.

...With another acorn.

Looking down in a lower branch of the tree, you can see about three squirrels crowded around an acorn catapult... oh, the torture is only beginning Yusuke, only _beginning_.

* * *

"Biggo, Biggo, Biggo!" You could hear down the corridors of E.S.A. Castle. Can you guess who it was? Of course you can! 

"Oh, pipe down, you brat!" Tenshi hissed in frustration and handed Honoo a lolly pop to shut him up. He's been saying that for the last half hour, and Tenshi was on her final nerve.

Hikari, who was sitting on a rock, looked over to her brother, and then at Tenshi, "Hn. Ugly," she grunted and shook her head.

"SHE CALLED ME WHAT?" Tenshi screamed and went to go chase Hikari around the room, who happened to always be at least two feet ahead of her. Tenshi finally got tired of running a losing race, and plopped down in her thrown. Honoo looked up from his finished lolly pop, and his eyes widened in glee.

"Biggo! Biggo! Biggo!"

"No, no biggo," Tenshi told him sternly and glared at the small child.

Honoo looked up at her with confusion all over his cute (very cute!) face, "Dada?" He asked.

"No. No dada," as she said this, Honoo's eyes welled up with tears and his lips quivered.

"N-no d-dada?" He squealed and started bawling. (Awwww! He loves his daddy!)

"Hn. Dada. Bring Dada. Now," Hikari demanded and glared heatedly at Tenshi.

"I'm not bringing your father, you brats."

"NOW! I WAN MY DADA!" Hikari glared at her.

"Mama!" Honoo added, and Tenshi looked at them pointedly.

"Hippo! Monkey! Fish! Get these brats out of my site!"

* * *

((Hiei, Kurama, and the baka)) 

"WHERE'S ALL THE DANG ACORNS?" Kuwabara cried and dropped down on to his knees, "URAMESHI! WHY'D THE SQUIRRELS HAVE TO GET YOU! WHO AM I GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?"

Kurama coughed upon hearing that.

Conveniently, at that moment, Keiko, Botan, Shizuru, and Yukina decided to show up.

"What about Yusuke?" Keiko asked, coming up behind Kuwabara.

"Uh... um... ASK HIEI! HE KNOWS!"

"Hiei, care to explain?" Botan turned to him expectantly.

"Ask the fox."

"Kurama?" Shizuru demanded, getting tired of their little 'game'.

"Well, you see... HIEI LOST HONOO AND HIKARI AND YUSUKE WENT AFTER THEM AND NOW THEY'RE ALL GONE!" Kurama shouted and pointed at Hiei, lying to get Hiei in trouble. He was extremely angry. Why did he have to have demented friends who relied on him to solve everything?

"WHAT? YOU LYING, BAKA KITSUNE! YOU TRAITOR!"

"YOU LOST THEM? YOU LOST MY KIDS! I'LL KILL YOU!" Botan foamed at the mouth and started attacking Hiei.

"No, onna! It wasn't me! The Kitsune lies! Don't come near me! You're dangerous!"

"Then where are they?" she asked, suddenly stopping her rampage and looking around the clearing.

"Um... we don't know... but you can read the note if it makes you feel any better!" Kuwabara told her and handed her the E.S.A. note. The girls crowded around Botan and read it over her shoulders. Hiei was under the bench, praying he would get off easy.

"HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?" Botan angrily threw the note on the ground and stomped on it for good measure.

"Five hundred acorns? What kind of moronic ransom is that?" Shizuru muttered and Kurama shrugged.

Botan suddenly dropped the letter, pulled matches out from pocket and calmly walked over to the bench. Hiei's eyes widened in fear and asked, "What are you doing with those onna? Don't do anything irrational!"

Botan got a dark smirk on her face and lit a match, "Burn! You child losing, horrible, terrible father!"

She threw that match at the bench and it instantly lit on fire. Black fire... "BUUURRRNNNN! BUUURRRNNNN MMYYYY PRREEETTTYYY!"

Hiei glared at her and muttered a low, "Damn flammable bench."

"Botan, please calm down. I don't want Hiei to burn to a measly crisp," Yukina pleaded and Botan let her use her ice powers to douse the burning bench. Hiei gave her a THANK- GOD- FOR- YUKINA! look and crawled out from under the burnt bench. He took one look at Botan and flitted into a tree.

"We've already started collecting acorns. We only need four hundred ninety eight more," Kurama said, trying to get Botan off of the burning Hiei to death subject.

"You only found two?" Keiko screeched and Hiei winced up in his tree.

"Well, this one looks more like a dirt clod than anything... but maybe the squirrels won't notice?" Kuwabara wondered and Shizuru glared at him. How stupid can one person be? OF COURSE THEY WOULD KNOW IT WASN'T AN ACORN!

"Hiei. You'll be sleeping on the couch for years," Botan said unnervingly calm and walked in the other direction to find acorns.

"It's worse than we thought! I sympathize with you Shorty, I sympathize."

Hiei fell out of his tree from shock and everyone went off to collect acorns.

* * *

((To the E.S.A. Base)) 

"I gott go pootttyyyyy!" Honoo whined and started jumping up and down.

"Dear lord, they do not pay me enough for this job," Tenshi muttered and told him, "No. No potty."

"Dada! Potty!"

"Hn. Potty... dada."

"Not on my life you little-"Tenshi started but was cut off by Hippo walking through the door.

"HIPPO! YOU AND MONKEY AND FISH WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THESE RASCALS AWAY!"

"Uhh...well you see sir... uh mam, she kinda threatened us... SHE WAS GONNA STUFF US AND MOUNT OUR TAILS ON HER BEDROOM WALL ABOVE HER BED AT NIGHT! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO NEAR HER AGAIN! Please!"

"Hn. Deed nawt."

"Kari deed wha?" Honoo asked innocently. (That's what he calls Hikari.)

"You're sister was born. That's what she did." Tenshi glared and MADE Hippo take them away. As they were being taken away, all they would scream was, "POTTTYYYYYYYY!"

((O.o))

"Monkey! Get everyone ready for the collecting of the ransom."

"Yes, I'm at your command, Lady Tenshi."

"I know that, you idiot! Just do it! Remind me to never work with squirrels again."

"Yes sir... uh mam! I meant mam!"

"Whatever, just carry out your job... NOW, FREAK!"

"Right away, sir!" Monkey squeeked and scrambled out of the room and away from a seething Tenshi.

"Let's just hope those brainless vermin don't forget the _real_ plan."

((End of Chapter.))

* * *

Marilyn Manson ate me... that's why I didn't update. Blame him. 

Hippo: R&R before Hikari gets me! Please! I beg of you!

Hikari: Hn. Where'd the baka squirrelly go?

Hippo: BYE!


	6. Tantei in Wonderland

Ack! I forgotz! My friend Katherine is my... CO-AUTHOR! So... credit goes to her too! This will be the fourth chapter she's helping me with! Yay for her!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Yu Yu Hakusho, but hey, we can't have everything right? I also don't own any ideas from Alice in Wonderland (not that I would want to). But we own all the squirrels, Honoo, and Hikari. SO BEWARE!

Responses to a FEW reviews:

**Tyedye/Rin**: Yeah, you can still use the idea.

**Kitsune Kit**: Yeah, he could, couldn't he? We'll fix that in this chapter then! Thanks!

**Robin Autumn**: Marilyn Manson is DEFINITLY a man. Now Marilyn Monroe, that's a woman.

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter Six: Tantei in Wonderland_

* * *

:(The Next Day): 

"We only have 432 acorns! They'll know!" Kuwabara ranted and started running around Genkai's couch in circles.

"It's possible they won't know the difference. They _are_ just squirrels," Keiko reasoned and then thought about it and frowned. They are just squirrels. That's it exactly. They _know_ their acorns.

"There's no more time anyway. We have to go now to give the ransom," Shizuru told them and lit up a cigarette.

_I wish she would quit that..._ Kurama thought and shook his head. For now, he couldn't really do anything about it. He grabbed his sack full of acorns and walked towards the door. Everyone followed suit, Botan glaring daggers at Hiei as she huffed past him.

Kuwabara suddenly stopped in his tracks, "Hey, where's Koenma?"

* * *

Up and down. 

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and-

"So what are you doing Saturday night?" Koenma asked the girl who was loudly sucking on her binky on her end of the see-saw. She blinked and got off and walked away.

"Hey! Wait for me! I didn't get your number!" Koenma called and raced after her.

He obviously didn't take rejection well. Even from a three year old. -.-

* * *

((At the Base of the Big Oak Tree)) 

Kurama set the 432 acorns at the base of the big oak tree as instructed in the ransom note. Then he and the others hid in the bushes nearby to wait for the squirrels.

They heard a rustling in the bushesclosest to them and thought the squirrels were coming.

"Shh! Here they come!" Keiko whispered and everybody quieted down their side conversations.

"This better work... for your sake Hiei," Botan threatened and shushed as the bushes spread apart.

Only to find...

Koenma and some small blonde haired girl in pig-tails walk by, holding hands.

"The toddler is tricking poor, innocent, ningen children! What next?" Hiei pondered aloud and Yukina shook her head.

"Poor child..."

"Look a fuzzy tail!" Kuwabara pointed out and all was silent in the park again as the squirrel slid out of a tree and sniffed the acorn bags. Suddenly he pulled a walkie-talkie out of his fur-coat and spoke into it.

"Hippo, Monkey, come in. Fish reporting. I've found the ransom subject. Returning to base."

"It's a fish!" Kuwabara shouted and jumped out of the bushes to examine the squirrel-fish. Shizuru slapped her forehead and muttered, "What. An. _Idiot_."

"Code Red! Code Red! I've been spotted! I repeat, spies in the premises! I'm coming in!" Itcried frantically into the talking device and suddenly a hole appeared out of nowhere at the bottom of the oak tree. The squirrel rushed in, pulling the acorns with it.

"I _knew_ there was something weird about those squirrels!" Kuwabara started as if he was on to something smart, "They're _fish_!"

"YOU IDIOT! YOU JUST RUINED THE ONLY CHANCE OF ME NOT SLEEPING ON THE COUCH FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS!" Hiei shouted and Botan gave him a bland look, "...AND FINDING MY KIDS!"

"Well, now we know where your mind has been all day," Botangrit outand smacked him up the side of the head.

"You know, Kurama... couldn't you have just _grown_ all those acorns?" Shizuru asked.

Kurama sweatdropped and chuckled nervously as everyone threw him murderous looks.

"YOU MEAN TO SAY WE LOOKED ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING AND YOU COULD HAVE GROWN THEM THE WHOLE TIME?" Keiko wailed furiously and went to grab a stick and beat Kurama over the head with it.

"The pretty black hole is going bye-bye..." Kuwabara said amazed, as the hole in the tree started to disappear.

"Quickly! Let's go! Hopefully it will lead us to Yusuke and the children!" Kurama said, mentally thanking god for Kuwabara's stroke of stupidity and giving him an escape from Keiko's wrath. Everyone ran to the portal, while Yukina grabbed Keiko away from her stick hunting and pulled her through the squirrel-fish portal.

When they went through, they landed in a dark and eerie forest. Eyes everywhere... creepy! Botan shuddered and Hiei pulled Botan to him. She grabbed on to his shirt tightly and murmured, "This still doesn't mean you're forgiven..."

Kuwabara had wandered over to a nearby bush where he saw a yellow eye. He grabbed a piece of brush off of the ground and cautiously poked the eye to see what it would do. It blinked.

"Oh! Fun!" Hechirped happily and poked it some more. Yukina saw this and made her way over to him.

"Kazuma, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why, of course it is my darling snow princess! I know what I'm doing, don't worry."

Hiei growled and you could here him whisper, "Yeah right," angrily while Kuwabara poked at the eye again.

His fun was interrupted by a fierce snarl followed by a loud roar. A huge beast appeared out of the bushes, throwing its ugly head back, it roared again. It was black, with long claws,three yellow eyes, red teeth, huge furry ears, and a horn growing out from the center of its head. When it lowered its body you could see it walked on four legs.

Hiei's angry stare shifted back and forth between the beast and the baka. Finally he managed to speak... err yell.

"YOU BAKA!"

* * *

((E.S.A. Base)) 

"Dada?" Honoo asked, hearing is father's voice.

"Hn. Dada," Hikari added.

"No. No dada," Hippo scolded and Hikari glared at him. She took that moment upon herself and bit his tail.

"YOW!"

* * *

((The Gang)) 

"Kazuma, you moron! I told you that was a bad idea! Why don't you listen to me?" Yukina shouted and everyone turned to stare at her. The demon even stopped and blinked again. Yukina blushed heatedly and brought her hand to her mouth daintily.

"Um... sorry everyone, I guess it just uh, slipped out?"

When Hiei heard it, he was practically jumping for joy. It was like a field day over there! ...Almost. He still has to sleep on that dang couch though...

"My snow princess... I'm so sorry!" Kuwabarawailed in self-pity and went to go gravel at Yukina's feet. Yukina looked on and patted his head.

"No, I'm sorry Kazuma, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Hiei sighed and shook his head. His day was just ruined _again_. Botan silently rubbed his shoulder and he perked up a bit. As she realized what she was doing she quickly snatched her hand away. (Poor Hiei! He keeps getting his hopes up and then gets them crushed again!)

"Rrrrrrr!" The youkai roared, getting bored already. Who were these god forsaken people?

"Shouldn't we be running now?" Shizuru asked everyone pointedly and they all hauled out of there.

Kuwabara ran in a circle... so basically he was left behind. With the monster. He stopped suddenly and looked around, realizing that he was alone with the creepy beast.

_Reminds me of shorty..._ He thought... wait. He thought! Miracles really _do_ happen!

"Wait up guys! Where'd you go? DON'T LEAVE ME WITH SHORTIE'S CLONE! I WANNA SAVE URAMESHI TOO, YA KNOW!"

* * *

((What's left of the Tantei...)) 

"What happened to Kazuma?" Yukina asked and everybody skidded in their tracks.

"Hn. Who cares. He got us in this mess."

"Hiei! We may need his help, you know! We should go backfor him!" Botan reprimanded, wagging her finger.

"Hn. Fine Onna, but when he gets us killed, I'll blame you."

"Enough of your lover's quarrel! We have work to do," Kurama halted their fight and you could hear snickering behind the bushes.

"Hey Frog, did you hear? I'm Lady Tenshi's favorite squirrel!"

"Chicken, haven't _you_ heard? She says that to everybody!"

"Yeah, well you're just jealous. It was the _way_ she said it."

"Are you drunk again chicken? I told you to stay away from that acorn juice! Or did Monkey spike your tea again?"

"Yeah, that jerk thinks it's funny when I get drunk..."

"Still haven't found that video tape of your last 'run in' with acorn juice have you? Chicken, why do you do this to yourself?"

"For the ladies! Duh. That hottie Canary, she's all up on me when I'm like that."

"Are you sure you weren't just hallucinating? It could have been anybody..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Frog. You're so clueless sometimes... anyway, hear about Urameshi and those brats?"

Botan perked up and walked quietly to the bush, she swiftly opened a portion to look in on their conversation. Her eyes widened in surprise as she looked on. Squirrels... having a tea party!

_Now I _know_ I've gone off the deep end..._

"Guys! Come over here! You _have_ to see this! And we can get some good info!" She whispered to them and they all tip-toed over to her, forgetting completely about Kuwabara.

"Hmph, I was the one launching acorns at him! And those brats, they scarred Hippo for life! Poor guy..."

Hiei smirked to himself proudly, thinking he taught them well.

"I wish I was there to see that! He's caused us so much trouble! But I can't wait for the _real_ plan Lady Tenshi's been cooking up. Too bad she won't tell anybody, though."

"Yeah, well as long as those three trouble makers are at the base, the plan will work. We just have to make sure the rest of the Tantei come," Frog replied, when his walkie-talkie went off.

"Fish here, the Tantei have followed me back through the oak tree, I repeat! They followed me! CODE RED! Be on the look out! Fish out."

"Oh no, Frog this is horrible! Our plan could have just been blown through the window!"

"Chicken, be calm. Let's go back to the base."

"Will there be acorn juice?"

"Of course," Frog sighed.

"WELL, THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? AN INVATATION?" Chicken exclaimed, and they bounded off happily to their base.

"Come on! Let's follow them!" Hiei growled, and so they also bounded happily after the squirrels. This may be a way to get off of 'couch duty'!

* * *

"So, how's it living here in a huge oak tree?" Kuwabara made polite conversation, with the monster, Bob. Bob seemed to enjoy the company. 

"Hm, not bad. Could use a little more light, though."

"Oh, too bad. I'll see you later. I'll visit on Wednesdays!" Kuwabara said, and did his little handshake with Bob.

"All right, talk to you later, Kazuma. And try not to poke me in the eye again, that hurts you know!"

"Sorry Bob! Well, I'll just be on my way! Oh... can you tell me where to find the squirrel base? And did you know that squirrels are actually _fish?_"

"Well, no Kazuma, I had no idea they were fish. But the base is about a mile away, straight ahead. Can't miss it. It's a giant castle made of acorn shells."

"Thanks, Bob! Bye!" Kuwabara waved with a dumb grin on his face and walked in the complete opposite direction of where Bob had pointed to him. Bob sweat dropped and went to go poke some things in the bush with his stick.

Kuwabaracontinued on his merry way, through the dark and eerie forest, until a squirrel in a plaid red vest bounds across his path.

"A FISH!" Kuwabara screamed and pointed at the horrid creature in front of him.

"I'm not Fish! I'm Rabbit, you have me confused with my brother. AND I'M LATE!"

"So then you're part rabbit, too? Man, what do they do here?"

"Sir, you're making me late."

"Late for what? More crossbreeding?"

"No time to explain! I'm late!" Rabbit said hastily and ran off.

"Bye Fish... err... Rabbit... um, whatever you are!" Kuwabara shouted and smiled happily at himself for making a new friend... sort of. (We can see where his priorities lie, ne?)

Kuwabara walked deeper into the forest, enjoying the scenery, looking into the creepy trees. When unexpectedly, a purple squirrel popped up in the tree.

"Hellooo Kazzummmaaa. I'm Possom," it said and smiled wildly.

"_Great_, more crossbreeds."

"What did you call me Kazuuummmaaa?"

"You remind me of my kitty..."

"Do I, Kazzzuuummmmaaaa? Do you lliiikkkeee kittiesss?"

"KITTY? WHERE?"

"Why, I'm a kitty Kaaazzzuuuummmmmaaaa," Possom said and grinned like a maniac.

"You talk weird..."

"Do I, Kaaazzzuuummmmaaaa?"

"Yeah. So what do you want Possom/Fish/Squirrel/Rabbit?"

"Is that so, Kazzzuuummmmaaaaa?"

"Um... no?"

"No, Kazuuummmmaaaa?"

"Um, I like to be called Kuwabara."

"Oh, okay, Kuuuwwwaaabbbaaarrrraaaa."

O.o

"I think I liked you calling me Kazuma better..."

"Whatever you say, Kazzzuuummmmaaaa," Possom hissed.

"Riiigghhhtttt. What are you here for again?"

"I came to warn you, Kazzuuummmmaaa."

"About how weird you are? You're really creepin' me out, man," Kuwabara said, backing up a bit.

"Why of course not Kazzuuuummmmaaaa, I came to warn you about lady Tenshiiiiiiii."

"Who?"

"Her plans are more than they appear, Kazuummmmaaaa."

"Are you retarded?"

"I don't know, are you, Kazuuuummmmaaaa?"

"I'm not sure, I get called that a lot, but I don't know what they mean. Is that a good thing?"

"Why, yes, Kazzzuuummmaaaa. You're speeccciiiaaaaalllll," Possom said, and disappeared.

"Who was that guy? Hold on, I have to go tell Urameshi I'm retarded, since it's such a good thing and all. He'll be so jealous!"

((End Chapter))

* * *

Man, we really dragged out the whole 'Kazzzuuummmaaaa' thing out, huh? Did you get tired of it? Well we sure did! PREVIEW FOR NEXT CHAPTER: 

Well, the Rekai Tantei storm Tenshi's base, and find out her real plan. But don't worry, it's NOT gonna end after that!

Chicken: Review for me, everytime she gets a review, I get another jug of acorn juice!

Frog: Too bad Chicken, we're all out!

Chicken: NOOOO!

Frog" R&R please!


	7. My Onna!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. AT ALL. Darn… And we don't own any song used in this chapter. But we do own the kids and the squirrels!

And no offense to anybody who is mentally challenged when I'm using the thing with Kuwabara being a retard!

* * *

**They Had Kids!**  
_Chapter Seven: My Onna!_

* * *

-Hiei/Botan/Yukina/Shizuru/Kurama/Keiko- 

"Spiked tea? Real plan? Yusuke wasn't kidding when he said these things were _evil_! THEY TOOK MY KIDS! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM I SWEAR-" Botan started but was cut off by Yukina.

"Look! It's Kazuma!" She exclaimed and ran over to him, "Kazuma, where did you go?"

"No Yukina, It's Kazzuuuuummmmaaaaa," Kuwabara told her and she gave him a confused look.

"Great, he's stupider than he was when we ditched him," Hiei growled out, annoyance plainly written on his features.

"DITCHED ME? What are you talking about, Shorty? Oh, and everybody, I have an announcement to make," He said, and got everyone's attention.

"You're stupider than before?" Shizuru asked him sarcastically and glared at her brother.

"No! I'm a retard!"

Hiei did a face-fault and was laughing hysterically on the ground.

"I could almost agree," Kurama muttered.

"That's not news at all…" Botan stated and started giggling.

"It's not funny! Possom said I was special! Oh! And guess what? I made a new friend! His name is Bob!"

"Nobody cares! We gotta follow those squirrels!" Hiei snarled and flitted off to find Chicken and Frog.

"Hiei! Wait for us!" Botan shouted and went to run after him.

Everybody went to catch up to them, only to find Hiei and Botan bickering again.

"Why'd you leave us? They're my kids too, ya know!"

"Hn. You-"

"I love to love ya Baby!" Kuwabara started singing to pass the time, "I'm feelin' sexy, I wanna hear you say my name, boy! If you can reach me, you can feel my burning flames!"

Hiei stared at him in disgust and snorted.

"Kazuma? What are you singing?" Yukina asked him curiously.

_Oh God…_ Was the one thought going through Shizuru's head before she covered her ears.

"Tonight I'll be your naughty girl! I'm callin' all my girls!"

"AH! MY EARS! THEY BURN!" Hiei screamed and started scratching at his ears. Kurama just pulled ear muffs out and whistled contentedly.

"Where'd you get those?" Keiko screeched and Kurama had no clue what she said, so he ignored her.

"Hey! I was talking to you!"

Kurama still wasn't listening and kept walking along the path.

"You're so sexy, tonight I am all yours boy. The way your body moves across the floor. You got me feelin' n-a-s-t-y. I might just take you home with me!" Kuwabara crowed and Botan got tears in her eyes.

"Please, Kuwabara! Just stop! Kami-sama, take me now!" She fell on her knees and presumed a praying position.

"All right! I'll just sing something else! Dip it low. Pick it up slow. Roll it all around, Poke it out like your back broke. Pop, pop, pop that thing, I'ma show you how to make your man say "Oh!" Dip it low. Pick it up slow. Roll it all around, Poke it out like your back broke. Pop, pop, pop that thing. I'ma show you how to make your man say "Oh!""

"No! No more! Please!" Botan started shouting to the high heavens. Hiei quickly fissioned over to her, picked her up, and ran away from Kuwabara. He just happened to come upon Chicken and Frog and stopped quietly in a tree. Botan was about to shout at him to let her go, but she saw the squirrels and kept her mouth shut. She hung on to him loosely as she watched the squirrels running down the path. Hiei flitted after them…

…

Kurama sighed and walked away from the crazy group of friends he has, Shizuru already ahead of him, going to find Hiei and Botan.

Yukina watched Kuwabara sing, not wanting to insult him, but her ears _hurt_.

"Kazuma, please stop singing! YOU'RE SCARING ME! God, you're so stupid!" Yukina screamed, having another emotional outbreak. Her eyes widened at what she say and she apologized to Kuwabara, who was on the ground bawling.

* * *

((At the Castle- Hiei and Botan)) 

"Finally! Those stupid squirrels found their way to the base! We can get our kids back!" Botan squealed and latched tightly onto Hiei, who was having _another_ field day.

Hiei walked in through the front door without Botan and came face to face with yet another squirrel.

"Who you rollin wit' dog? The name's D-A-W-G, Biotch."

Hiei looked down at Dawg and had to choke back a laugh. Dawg had a red "Balla" jersey on with a white shirt on under it. He had a silver "Bling" and his red cap was on to the side of his head. He also had like ten different rings on his paws.

"Who am I 'rollin' wit? Speak English, squirrel."

"Yo shizzle nizzle, the name is D-A-W-G. You seen any sizzling onnas around hurr? 'Cuz I _am_ a playa ya know."

At that moment, Botan chose to come in and find Hiei. She walked up behind him and grabbed his arm.

"Have you got any clue where they are yet?" She asked and then looked down to see who Hiei was staring at.

"Holy crizzle! She _is_ bangin' dog! You know hurr?"

Botan glared at Dawg and growled out an, "_Excuse me_?"

"Yeah, I know her. She's _my mate_! Back off squirrel!" Hiei snapped.

"Now wait one minizzle! Why you all up in mah grill? You roll out dog, leave me and the broad here alone to get a little _acquainted_. So you can just go over thurr."

"BROAD!" Botan seethed and was about to pound in Dawg's head, but he put his hands up in a surrendering motion.

"Shizzle, dizzle! All I'm sayin' is if you like short guys, I'm your man! Imma be the shortest guy you've evurr seen!"

"MINE!" Hiei roared and went to jump on Dawg, but out of nowhere, you can hear Kuwabara rapping to "Drop it like it's hot".

"What kind of shiz is this nizzle rappin'?"

"Drop it like it's HAWT!" Kuwabara sang and Dawg winced.

"Naw! Dog, hurr. Lemme teach ya how to free style! You ain't got a clue what you talking 'bout yo!"

So, while Dawg was trying to teach Kuwabara how to rap, the others snuck off to go find Yusuke, Honoo, and Hikari.

* * *

((Tenshi)) 

Tenshi was sitting around, having a swig of the last acorn juice when her walkie-talkie went off, Chicken was on the other line.

"Lady Tenshi, the other Rekai Tantei have arrived on the premises to retrieve the destroyer and the brats and ruin the plans! Oh… and uh, we're out of acorn juice."

"I know that!"

"Oh… well, bye then."

"GO AWAY!"

"Fine! I thought I was your favorite!"

"I say that to everyone, you twit!"

"You… you _what?_"

"You heard me, now get off the line!"

"I hate you! …Rolling out."

"You've been hanging out with Dawg too much, Chicken."

"Sorry, Lady Tenshi."

"GO!" And with that, Chicken got off the line.

* * *

"Oh dear, we lost Kazuma again," Yukina said worriedly as they caught up to Hiei and Botan. 

"Hn. Good."

"Hiei, be nice," Botan scolded and continued ahead, until they heard Kuwabara yelling, "Wait up!"

"That's not how I told you, get that shizzle right!" You could hear Dawg, following Kuwabara.

"Sorry, yo."

"Y'all better be. Youza balla now."

"Kazuma… what's wrong with you?" Yukina asked unsurely, looking at his new attire.

He's now wearing the same thing as Dawg…

"I'm gangsta Yukina, ya ain't hatin' are yurr?"

"Um… what do you mean, Kazuma?"

"The name's K to the Z now, Baby."

"Hn. He's even more retarded now, is what he means Yukina."

"Oh, okay!" Yukina said and smiled at Kuwabara.

"Imma prove this balla is gangsta! K to the Z, do yurr routine," Dawg said, and Kuwabara nodded. Dawg pulled out radio, and the middle of One, Two step was playing.

"Go K to the Z!" And that, my friends, is when Kuwabara started dancing and rapping.

"This Beat Is  
Outrageous, so contagious, make you crave it  
Jazze made it  
So retarded, top charted, ever since the day I started  
Strut my stuff and yes I flaunt it  
Goodies make the boys jump on it  
No I can't control myself  
Now let me do my 1,2 step!" Kuwabara sang, and did a split. Yukina's eyes widened and she giggled at the sight.

"And, strike a pose yo!" Dawg ordered, and Kuwabara put his arms in the air as you would if you were doing the disco point.

"How did you do that Kazuma?" Yukina asked, still giggling.

"Trim Spa Baby!" He yelled, and struck an Anna Nicole Smith pose.

"Oh, god! Now that's just wrong!" Keiko screamed and covered her eyes.

Kuwabara suddenly stopped posing, and said," I have to go to the bathroom…"

Hiei threw his hands up into the air, looking up at the ceiling, "_Now_, of all times?"

Kuwabara jumped up and down, doing the potty dance, "But I gotta go!"

"Oh for Kami-sama's sake, let's just let him go!" Shizuru muttered, and dragged Kuwabara to the bathroom, the other's following her.

"Hey Dawg, tell me this thing has got stalls," Kurama said, and Dawg nodded.

"Yeah, shizzle! What do you think we are, dirty?"

"Yeah," Hiei coughed and Botan whacked him over the head.

Kuwabara walked into the room, said there were stalls, so everyone went in and washed their hands. They were just in the forest, you know.

All of a sudden, they heard a loud cry coming from above them through the vent.

"PPPPPOOOOTTTTYYYY!"

Botan immediately recognized the two voices, "My Babies!"

Then they heard another voice, "Shut up! Brats!"

"PPPPOOOOTTTTYYYY!"

"SOMEBODY SHUT THOSE BABIES UP!"

They heard a plop, and then everything went silent…

"MY BABIES!" Botan shrieked once more, "SAVE MY BABIES!"

Botan turned to Hiei, grabbed his shoulders, and started shaking him.

"Botan, calm down! Hiei only has one head!" Keiko yelled, and Botan continued shaking Hiei, until they heard a new voice.

"Tenshi, have you secured the children and the detective?" A feminine voice asked.

"Yes, Kariudo. We have."

"I'm gonna kill those two when we get up there! KILL THEM! THEY'LL BURN WITH THE BENCH!" Botan yelled, her grip on Hiei loosened and he took the chance to move away from her.

"You know, youza really bangin' when yurr mad," Dawg said and Hiei attacked him again, this time taking out his katana and slashing it towards the ground where Dawg was standing.

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU SHE'S MINE!"

"Hiei, calm down, we need to hear what they're saying," Kurama whispered, trying to get Hiei to be quiet.

"BUT HE'S TRYING TO TAKE MY ONNA AWAY!"

"Hiei! Not now! They already took your kids! Now be quiet!"

"HN! Fine," He said," but he better keep his paws off. Stupid squirrel."

"Hey, pimpin' ain't easy ya know!" Dawg said, in a defended tone, "y'all can just back up off me!"

Botan moved closer to the vent, trying to find out what's going on.

"Good Tenshi. We still need them to attract the forbidden child and his mate."

_What do they want with us?… and why is Kuwabara still I the stall?_ Botan wondered, as Hiei continued to fight with Dawg.

"And of the destroyer? Why did we take him?"

"Because Canary, he was bothersome to your kind, and he will also lure the rest of those brutes. Then I won't have to deal with them trying to interfere with my plans for those damn Jaganshi's." Kariudo told her. ('Member Canary? She was the hottie all up on Chicken. LOL)

"I wonder what we did, huh Hiei?" Botan asked, looking back to Hiei.

"Well, I'm sure we've made enough enemies over the years."

"And why is my brother still in that stall?" Shizuru asked, looking over at the stall Kuwabara walked into.

"Maybe he flushed himself down…" Keiko muttered and laughed out loud at the thought. Kuwabara walked out of the stall, looking very disconbobulated.

"There's something seriously wrong with those toilets guys…"

"Like what?" Yukina asked.

"It's really, really, really, really, really small."

"That's to fit your really, really, really, really small-," Hiei got cut off by Botan's oar to the back of his head, "Hn."

"Well yo, it's squirrel sized."

"But you guys are fish. And rabbits, and possums!" Kuwabara ranted about how nasty crossbreeding is.

"Um, don't you still have to go to the bathroom, Kazuma?"

"Oh, yeah!" Kuwabara said, and started doing the potty dance again.

"Shizzle, the only human bathroom is in the throne room yo."

"Then let's go!" Kuwabara screamed and ran out of the room, going in a random direction.

"Why don't you just die?" Hiei asked, looking at Dawg.

"'Cuz I gotta keep on pimpin' nizzle!" Dawg said, and walked over to Botan handing her a small card," Call me if you evurr need a _real_ man, onna."

"WHAT? YOU LITTLE VERMIN! I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT! I TOLD YOU, SHE'S _MY_ ONNA!" Hiei screamed in a fit of rage.

"Um… no, that's okay Dawg. I don't think I'll be needing this," Botan said, and ripped the card in half.

"Damn right you won't be needing it!" Hiei sneered and crushed the halves with his shoe.

Kuwabara came crashing in to the room whining, "The potty wasn't that way! Can we PLEASE go to the potty?"

"PPPPOOOOTTTTYYYY!"

Botan perked up and looked up to the high heavens, "THEY'RE OKAY! THANK KAMI-SAMA!"

Botan turned around, her eyes blazing, she grabbed Dawg by the scruff of his 'Balla' jersey, and brought him to eye level. Hiei growled at the physical contact, but noticed he was getting jealous of a _squirrel_, and calmed down. Like some stupid squirrel could compete with _him_.

"Tell me where the throne room is. Now," Botan threatened, and Dawg started shaking, losing his gangsta image.

"T-that way," Dawg stuttered, pointing in the complete opposite direction that Kuwabara went. Botan smiled, and threw him to the ground, walking out the door calmly.

Kuwabara threw his arms in the air in salvation, "The potty!"

He ran and ran and ran until he could run no more… because he hit the door. Hiei grunted and walked right by him, as did the others, and entered the throne room.

"Welcome to our humble castle," Kariudo said in greeting, "Oh and by the way, thanks for ruining my life."

((End Chapter))

* * *

Oh sorry, left you at cliffhanger! I bet Dawg got kind of annoying too, so we decided to get rid of him. And poor Hiei, having to deal with some stupid squirrel hitting on his onna… 

Dawg: Hey, she was hott, okay!

Dogg: -Dawg's cousin- D-O-G-G says calm down. We all ballas hurr.

Dog: -Dawg's other cousin- Yo dogs, R&R!


	8. Seducing the already seduced

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Can't have everything, can we? Nope. We own the children and the squirrels!

**NOTE! Spirit has made a petition for Yoshihiro Togashi to pick up his pen and make the rumored OVA video. So all of you HB fans, get out there and sign it! The link is in my bio!

* * *

**

**They Had Kids!**  
_Chapter Eight: Seducing the already Seduced_

* * *

"Welcome to our humble castle," Kariudo said in greeting, "Oh, and by the way, thanks for ruining my life." 

"What did we do to ruin your life?" Botan asked, looking around the room in confusion. The last she remembered she hadn't done anything… Heck, she didn't even know who this lady was!

"You stole my Hiei!"

"I… _what?_" Botan asked, her eyes narrowing, while still looking around.

"You heard me!" Kariudo spat out angrily, jumping down from the big tree in the middle of the throne room.

"YOU!" Botan yelled, looking at Kariudo, about to jump her.

Kariudo had long, curly, purple hair thatwent past her waist. She had one purple stripe on her left cheek, under her navy blue eyes. She was wearing a black, very low 'V neck' dress. It went down to her thighs, and in the back a cape came down at the bottom of where her collarbone was, splitting apart towards the middle.

"I see you remember me. I'm glad, now we don't have to waste time."

"GIVE ME BACK MY KIDS, YOU SKANK!"

"Tsk, Tsk. I see you're still a bit touchy on the subject of your family," Kariudo taunted, waving her finger and clicking her tongue.

"Can I go potty now?" Kuwabara wailed and threw his hands in the air, getting everybody's attention.

"Fine! God, I'm trying to get my revenge here! Third door on the left! Don't you dare pee on my floor!" Kariudo howled in irritation, grimacing when she looked at Kuwabara. She turned back to Botan.

"I'll be taking what's mine now, thanks."

"Hey, back off!" Botan glared, getting in front of her path to Hiei.

Kuwabara came back about two minutes later, to see Botan and Kariudo staring each other down, Botan looking like she was foaming at the mouth.

"Wow! Hiei you're so lucky! I never have girls fight over me!" Kuwabara exclaimed, looking at the two women, amazed.

"Hn. I wouldn't doubt that."

"Would you like to explain what's going on?" Kurama asked, looking between Hiei, Botan, and Kariudo.

"Hn. You don't wanna know."

"Oh, but we do!" Keiko said, wondering what the heck was happening.

"Oh, I'll tell you what's going on! Kariudo here, is a whore! She stole my kids to get back at me for mating with Hiei!" Botan screeched, pointing at Kariudo and about to pounce on her.

"I can't help it that I'm more attractive than you, and smarter, and more Hiei-worthy, an-" Kariudo said, getting cut off by Botan.

"Hey! I'm the only one that's Hiei-worthy! Now, why don't you just back to your little whore house, and leave the rest of us alone?"

"Oh! Yeah, Botan! You told her!" Shizuru shouted, routing her on.

"Would somebody please mind explaining why she's after Botan, and why she's obsessed with Hiei?" Kurama asked, looking around to anyone who might know what's going on. Hiei just stared at the two women, and shook his head. He didn't want to get in the middle of this one…

"Well it all started…" Kariudo started, retelling the story.

* * *

((Flashback)) 

"General, you want me to go spy on the forbidden child?" I asked in disbelief. He was the commander of Mukuro's army! If Hiei caught me, there was no telling what's going to happen to me!

"Yes. The only way we can break out a war is if we find out their plans, and use them against them. We have to break into the core of their military defenses." He ordered.

"Right sir, you can count on me," I said, nodding and bowing in respect.

"I know, that's why you're here. You're a seductress, and the forbidden child is a man. Men do have weaknesses, and seductresses bring them out. And you better," And with that, my general walked out of the room, leaving me to get ready to go to Mukuro's territory as a new maid.

-Two Days Later- 

I was in the trees of the forest outside of Mukuro's castle, waiting for the forbidden child to go by. I could sense his energy, but somebody was with him. So, I lost my chance to seduce him there. I have to be alone with him…

"Oh, Hiei! This is so exciting! What should we name them?" A woman with blue hair was with him. She had pink eyes, and seemed to be pregnant. Hopefully it was not with the forbidden child's children.

"Hn. Whatever you want, onna. I'm not good with names."

"Well how about Kuroi? Or Aoshi? Maybe Inochi… what do you think of Takayama?"

"I don't think so, onna. I don't particularly like those."

"Well, why not name him after Kurama? That would be so cool! And I'm sure Kurama would appreciate that!"

"Hn. Don't steal the kitsune's name. You still have two months to figure it out, so don't fret about it."

I didn't know if he was the father of those children. They didn't say that he was, and they didn't say that he wasn't. But I couldn't have cared less, because I was too busy staring at the god of a man I was assigned to seduce. Kami-sama's light must have been shining on me.

He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen in my life as a seductress. Oh, those eyes… so red! They were like rubies that you could just marvel at for days! And the hair! So gravity-defying! Such a shiny raven color, that is highlighted blue in the sun… AND THE MUSCLES! OH GOD, THE MUSCLES! And those fangs, don't even get me started on those fangs! I thought I'd die of heat stroke he was so hott! Just rip off that belt and throw it up here!

((Interrupt Flashback))

* * *

"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MAN LIKE THAT, YOU WHORE! HIS BELT STAYS WITH ME!" Botan clenched her fists, about to tackle her, but Keiko jumped up and grabbed onto her, holding her back. 

Hiei smirked at his onna, finding the situation highly amusing. (And yes, his belt does stay with Botan.)

"Y-you don't like my name? What's wrong with m-my name?" Kurama sobbed, looking at Hiei. Hiei stared at him, never seeing the kitsune be so… emotional!

_What in the _hell_ is the kitsune doing?_

"Nothing's wrong with your name, Kurama. Get over it," Shizuru said, and pulled out a cigarette to watch the cat fight.

"No more smoking!" Kurama bolted up, completely forgetting his emotional breakdown over his name, and threw away all her cigarettes. Shizuru punched him square on the nose for it, and went back to listening to the girl's flashback.

* * *

((Continue Flashback)) 

I followed as the blue haired woman continued to drag him down the dirt road to what I gathered as they talked, to be a restaurant.

"Onna, why can't we just eat at thedamn castle?"

"Because I want to go out! And I said so! Plus, we have to come up with more names!"

"Names again? Can't you just wait until they're born to name them?" The god asked, annoyed.

"Well, I want to be prepared!"

"Well maybe I don't!"

"You don't want my children to have names! YOU WANT THEM TO GO NAMELESS! I can just see it now at school! Nameless, please come to the office, your parents are here to pick you up!"

"I never said that, onna!"

"Yes, you did! You said you don't want to be prepared! How could you?" The blue haired woman sobbed, with teary eyes, and started running ahead.

All right! Happy day! The Jaganshi is alone! Time for some extra juicy seducing!

"Onna, wait!"

"No! Just forget it, why don't you just go home and eat there!"

I watched as god's best creation ran after that wretched woman. He should have stayed so I can finish my job! And then have some fun… Yes, that sounds like a plan…

He caught up to her easily (with his god like speed), and stood in front of her.

"What now, Hiei? Here to un-prepare us some more?"

"No, onna, listen-"

"Maybe I don't wanna listen! Tell me what you want so I can go!"

"… I want to go eat… with you. At this baka restaurant."

"Really?" The blue haired woman asked, wiping the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her coat.

"Hn. Really," And with that, the woman threw her arms around his neck and hugged him in glee.

"Oh, thank you Hi-koi! This is going to be so fun!"

"Hn."

Okay, calm down Kariudo, just some stupid nickname, I told myself. Calling my god Hi-koi. Humph. It doesn't matter, she can't compete with me.

Hiei gently grabbed her wrists, pulling her to him. A small gap between them, from her swelled belly. He pressed his lips against hers and she pulled him in more.

I looked away from the scene, seething inside. It could have been just a friendly kiss right? …Right? It must have been! Nobody takes what is mine! Nobody! I glanced back at the two, seeing they were already done and walking down the path inside. See! It was just a quick kiss, nothing to worry about!

I followed the two to the restaurant quietly, glaring at the bluette. How dare she kiss that gods lips! Anyway, the girl giggled as she talked quietly with the Jaganshi. They finally arrived at the small café and sat at a small table in the back corner. I watched from the window and looked as a waitress walked by and asked them what they wanted to drink.

I went through the back door, knocked out the waitress from behind, and stole her clothes. I walked through the double doors with a pot of coffee. I poured some in their mugs and Hiei glared at me, saying, "I don't want coffee."

What a voice! It's even better up close!

"Oh… well, what would you like again?" I asked him, fluttering my eyelashes. The pregnant woman narrowed her eyes at me and watched us closely.

"Hn. Water."

"Then water it is, cutie!" I exclaimed and winked at him. The woman further narrowed her eyes and watched me as I walked away, swaying my legs.

I got the water and came back out, carrying that and the coffee pitcher. I poured him some water, making sure I leaned over him. He glared at me as I moved away.

"Would you like anything else?"

"No thank you," The bluette hissed and took a sip of her own coffee.

I went to the table on the opposite corner of them, pretending I was on break. I watched what and what not the Jaganshi responded to well. It's always good to know when you're trying to seduce someone.

"Whew, it's hot in here!" Hiei's acquaintance exclaimed and pulled off her pink over coat. My eyes widened as I saw the mark on her neck… and the Jaganshi's energy flowed from it… DAMN HER! She stole my man!

The evil wench called me over for some more coffee. I walked over, clenching the coffee pot tight in my hands. I was shaking inside and out from rage. I poured it in her mug shaking and they were both giving me weird looks. I stopped pouring and in a fit of anger threw the coffee pot across the room. The woman gasped and the Jaganshi spat out at me, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Yusuke! Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" A brunette exclaimed. The two looked over, apparently shocked, and stared wide-eyed at the couple across the café.

The black haired boy, stood up, with coffee dripping down his shirt and pants. Hm… he looked pretty scrumptious too….

"WHO THE HELL THREW THAT?" The man asked, pointing his finger accusingly at everyone. The Jaganshi's slunk out of their chairs and ran out the door, unnoticed by the Spirit Detective and his girlfriend.

"Yusuke, don't curse!" His girlfriend reprimanded and smacked his arm.

"THAT'S IT KEIKO, WE'RE SUEING! AND I'M NOT PAYING!"

((End Flashback))

* * *

"You were the one who threw that!" Keiko gasped, looking at Kariudo. Hiei grunted and smirked at the memory of coffee dripping down the detective's face, "And you two were at the café the whole time!" 

"Yes, I'm surprised you didn't see us slip out," Botan nodded, moving protectively in front of Hiei again. Hiei looked over at Kuwabara and grinned maliciously at him, "Baka."

"What did I do, Shorty?" Kuwabara yelled and shook his fist at Hiei. Yukina frowned at the the two, but giggled when she saw what Hiei called him a baka for.

"Hn."

The rest of the gang also looked over and Shizuru burst out laughing.

"You have toilet paper coming out of your butt!" Botan cackled and pointed at him. Even Kurama cracked and laughed lightly.

"Yo, yo! Leave dis gangsta 'lone! He be ballin' all night long!" Dawg came running in through the door, and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Canary on Kariudo's shoulder.

"Baby, dur you are!" Dawg said and ran over to Kariudo. Canary just sat perched on Kariudo's shoulder and looked down at him.

"You know you always be mah baby gurl, and Imma gonna love you forevurr, but I heard you were all up on chicken."

"H-how did you find out?" Canary asked, looking around the room.

"A gangsta's gotta have his connection hizzles!"

"But… it was the acorn juice, I swear!" Canary claimed her innocence, obviously lying though.

"Naw, it's okay gurl. You did yurr thing. And I'm doin mah thang jizzle. I found myself a new bangin' onna. She's right thurr," Dawg told her, pointing at Botan. Hiei's eyes grew eerily mad and Kurama backed up a bit. Hiei's energy shot up.

"I thought I already told you! I have a mate!" Botan exclaimed and looked at Hiei with anxiety.

"Yeah, well we can work around him."

"Um, no we can't!" Botan sweatdropped at Dawg's cluelessness.

"Damn right you can't!" Hiei growled and gave Dawg his famous **_death_** glare.

"Woah, woah! Short-ay, back up off me!"

"Can I _please_ finish my story?" Kariudo hissed and Kurama nodded at her.

"Yes, please do."

* * *

((Back to Flashback)) 

I followed the pair back to the castle. That little shrew! She mated with him! How the heck am I supposed to seduce a mated demon?

"Shmoopy, I'm getting tired."

"Hn. Don't call me shmoopy."

"But, Hi-koi! You're my shmoopy!"

"Hn. Onna, I'm no shmoopy," Hiei turned his head away and Botan giggled. Oh, how I hate that stupid feminine giggle! I just want to snap her neck when I hear it…

"Fine, Hi-koi. Will you carry me?" Botan pouted and I almost went down from my tree just to smack that pout off her ugly face!

"Hn," Hiei grumbled and picked her up bridal style, being careful because she was pregnant. And off he went in a blur.

I followed them to the castle and waited until Hiei was alone to make my move. So what if he was mated, I could still get him if I wanted!

"Hn, stupid shmoopy. I don't even look like a shmoopy! I hate that name. I hate it when she calls me that!" The GOD mumbled to himself and I took that as my chance to swoop in. I was dressed in a maids uniform when I asked him, "Do you need anything, Hiei-sama?"

"Hn. A new name."

"Um… anything I can actually help you with?" I asked, getting in close to him. I put my hand on his shoulder and winked at him.

"No. I have my onna for that. I should get you cast out of Mukuro's territory for even suggesting it."

"Oh, but you know you want to…" I whined and he glared at me.

"Get your hands off of me."

"I'd rather not," I whispered in his ear and bit it softly.

"I said, get off of me," He growled, and tried to push me off. But, I'm persistent and instead of getting off, I kissed him. Hard.

Of course, at that moment, Botan chose to walk in. Perfect.

"Hey, Hi-koi! I have this great name I was thinking abou-… WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?"

"O-onna! It's not what it looks like!"

"Aw, don't be silly. It's e_xactly_ what it looks like. He's just shy," Kariudo purred and played with his hair.

"I told you to get off of me!" Hiei growled again, and pushed me off this time. I frowned and looked at Botan, who looked like a wreck.

"I can't believe you, Hiei! Look at me! I'm having your kids! I'm like a balloon! And here you are getting… frisky with one of your servants! As soon as I have these kids, I'm leaving!" Botan ran out of the room in tears. Good, this'll make it much easier for me with that shrew out of the way.

"Would you like anything else, sir?" I asked politely, looking innocent. He glared at me, a glare that promised great pain. Oh, I'll enjoy that…

"Hn. You'll never step foot in this territory again. In fact, you'll never step foot anywhere when I get done with you."

Well, Mukuro kicked me out of her territory. I swore revenge on the shrew and her kids. They ruined my chance at the god of a man Hiei is. I fell into the squirrel world and befriended them, becoming their queen. And that leaves us here.

((End Flashback))

* * *

"Ugly Shrew? I'll show you ugly shrew!" Botan shouted in a huffand tackled a surprised Kariudo, "And where are my babies?" 

"You'd better get off of me, if you want your precious babies to live, that is."

Botan's eyes widened and she back handed Kariudo before getting of her, "You'll pay for that. No, actually, your kids will. Bring them out, Canary!"

Canary was at the right corner of the throne room, and was pulling down a switch. A cage was lowering from the room…

((End Chapter))

* * *

Ah, so the history of Kariudo is now known. She needs to keep her hands off of Hiei… 

Anyway, I hope you read the note about the petition, and thanks for all of your reviews!


	9. All My Squirrels

Hello everyone! We're finally back! Took us a while to come up with this stuff, so sorry for the long wait!

(The title of the chapter is the name of a soap opera, but with squirrels instead of children.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but it would be nice… And we don't own the song A Lil bit by 50 cent or Baby got back by Sir Mix A lot (we changed like two words)!

_Mystikal Demon_- The Anna Nicole Smith pose is from the Trim Spa commercial.

_Pen Against Sword_- No worries, how they made up was planned to be in this chapter!

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**Chapter Nine: All My Squirrels

* * *

((Begin)) 

"Biggo! Biggo!" Was heard as the cage was lowered to the middle of the room and Honoo was jumping up and down in the middle. Hikari was sitting there against the bars with a small frown on her face.

"Thank Kami-sama! They're okay" Botan exclaimed, sure that they were healthy. She turned a glare to Hiei, "No thanks to you!"

"Hn! It was the Kitsune's fault!"

"Oh, now it's _my_ fault again?" Kurama's eyes narrowed in Hiei's direction and a small plant hit the fire demon in the back of the head.

"What was _that_ for?" Hiei hissed and rubbed the back of his head. The edge of Kurama's pants "coincidentally" turned on fire.

Yukina ran between the two and put her hands up, "Please, you can't fight right now!" she pleaded and used her ice powers to stop Kurama's pants from burning all together.

"Oh, my sweet, love!" Kuwabara wailed, "You're the perfect incarnation of love and peace… fur shizzle!"

Shizuru huffed in annoyance and hit Kuwabara in the back of the head, "Not now, you moron."

Dawg came up behind the four and snapped his fingers, "Let da balla do his thing jizzle! Go on, keep on pimpin'."

Kuwabara nodded and started singing, "Damn baby all I need is a lil' bit... A lil bit o' dis a lil bit o' dat... Get crackin' in the club when you hear the shit…Drop it like it's hot when you're workin' that back... Girl shake that thing yeah work that thing, Let me see it go up and down... Rotate that thing, I wanna touch that thing when you make it go round and round..."

Hiei covered his ears and started screaming, "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU? I THINK MY EAR DRUMS ARE BLEEDING!"

Yukina's eyes widened in innocence and she looked around asking, "What do I need to rotate?"

Kariudo growled and threw her hands up in the air, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Just forget about it, he's an idiot!"

"No, I'm a retard! One of those half-breeds said so…" Kuwabara corrected her trying to sound astute, but it really kind of came out… well, stupid. Hiei, who'd uncovered his ears by then snickered and said, "You know, I'd have to agree."

"Yes, so back to the matters at hand, what do you want from us in exchange for the children?" Kurama said, suddenly turning serious, even if he was quite amused at the moment.

Kariudo snorted and waved her hand towards him, "Isn't it obvious?"

Botan stomped her foot and groaned, "Not on my life! Keep your hands away from my mate!"

Kuwabara's jaw dropped to the floor and he smacked his forehead, "They're fighting over you _again_ man! How lucky can one guy get?"

Hiei smirked and turned to him, "Heh, you will never know."

Kariudo glared at Botan and told her, "Then you'll never see your kids again. And here I thought it was going to be a fair trade…"

Honoo looked down at all of this from the cage and blinked, "Biggo?"

Kariudo walked over to the cage and laughed diabolically, "No, no Biggo."

Hikari's frown grew bigger and her hand reached threw the bars and she pulled as hard as she could on the strands of Kariudo's hairs that she had in her fist.

"Go mini-shrimp!" Kuwabara cheered from the ground and started pointing and laughing. Kariudo yanked her head away and shook the cage. After taking a deep breath she turned to Hiei and Botan, "Before I kill all of you and stuff, how did you to ever get back together? I thought my plan was full proof…"

Hiei looked out the window and sighed, "Hn."

* * *

((Flashback)) 

Hiei's feet slushed through the mud as he walked down a path in the woods, looking for any signs that Botan may have come through. It was raining, and Hiei shook his head at the thought of a pregnant Botan walking alone down a path in Makai while it was pouring. It had been two months since the "event", and somehow Botan had found some way to avoid his Jagan Eye. It irked him to no end that his mate wouldn't even come near him, and she was pregnant in the _Makai_!

He was about twenty miles from the last town he had visited, which was his last lead on Botan. From an inn-keeper he heard that she was almost ready to give birth and even though he didn't want to admit it, he was worried. It was raining, so he couldn't even identify her scent.

The wind whipped about around Hiei and he growled. Botan shouldn't be out here when she was about to have their children! It was too dangerous! What was she thinking? Was she _trying_ to get them all killed?

Hiei's eyes narrowed as he heard shifting along the road up ahead. Even with his demon sight, he couldn't see that far ahead, it was raining too hard. He quickened his pace, and broke out into a full run when his eyes caught sight of powder blue hair. He caught up to her in less than a second, but he didn't get to her in time before she collapsed into the mud.

Hiei knelt down and pulled her to his chest. He buried his nose in her hair and asked, "Onna, what's wrong?"

Botan wiped the mud from her face and looked up at him, "Hiei, get me to a town. With a doctor!"

Hiei's eyes widened. She was about to-… about to have his kids! Hiei quickly bundled her up under his cloak, although it was protection from the rain, it was still wet. He flitted off as fast as he could to the next town, which was a few miles away.

"Why did you come? Shouldn't you be off with your new mistress?" Botan hissed with hate laced deeply into her voice.

Hiei looked down at her and shook his head, "No. Onna, listen to me. We weren't doing anything! It was a trick, nothing more and nothing less. You're my mate, and it just so happens I like it that way."

"And I'm supposed to just believe you?" Botan winced in pain and shook her head.

"Onna, just do it for now. I'll explain after you bear the children," Hiei told her and raced forward. He could just make out a town a few miles ahead and was there within ten seconds. Hiei felt Botan squirming in his arms and growled. She was in pain. He hated that.

Hiei stopped a demon who was running to shelter and snapped at them, "Tell me where a doctor is, _now_."

The demon stuttered and pointed down the road, "J-just down that way, a-and then go left. You c-can't miss the place, there's a b-big raven on the d-door," after relaying the information the demon ran off in fear.

Hiei carried Botan where the demon had told him to go and went in through a door that he saw had a raven on it. An elder looking demon woman looked up from her book. When she saw Botan in his arms she ran over and started examining her, "Get her into that room there," she pointed to a door straight ahead, "and put her on the table."

Hiei ran into the room and put Botan down. The woman came in a moment later with all of her medical equipment and pushed him out of the way, "Out."

"What? No. listen here lady, these are my kids, you can't tell me what to do-" Hiei started, but was cut off by Botan.

"No, get out of here! I don't want you here!"

Hiei's shocked look didn't waver the doctor a bit, "Listen to the girl and leave. You're not supposed to be in here anyway."

_She doesn't want me here while she's bearing our children?_

The doctor pushed him out of the room and slammed the door shut in his face, promptly locking it. Hiei growled and sat on the windowsill. He still couldn't believe she didn't want him there…

He could hear her screaming through the door and he wanted so bad to just crash in there and… He didn't know, but he just wanted her to stop screaming. It was tearing through his ears and even his heart.

About two hours of torturing himself by listening to her yelling, it all stopped. Hiei sat up and fear struck him. What if… something went wrong? He wouldn't be able to live with himself.

The doctor came out with a small smile on her face and Hiei felt a wave of relief wash over him. She looked at him a few seconds before saying, "Twins," and walking off.

Hiei walked over to the door and stopped, staring at it. He wanted to go in… but if Botan didn't want him in there…

Hiei shook his head before opening the door. They were his kids too. Botan looked up at him and smiled brightly, with two small bundles in her arms. Hiei slowly walked over and sat on the chair the doctor had left for him next to the bed. (She'd moved Botan from the table to the bed.)

Hiei cleared his throat and asked, "Our kids?"

Botan nodded and whispered softly, "Our kids. A boy and a girl. I don't know what to name them still…"

Hiei almost chuckled. _Baka onna still hasn't thought of a name._

"The boy," Hiei looked at him, "Call him… Honoo."

Botan also looked at the boy and smiled again, "Perfect."

"Hikari… for the girl, I mean," Hiei said and turned away, looking at the floor. What now? Would she take the kids and leave like she said? …No, he wasn't gonna let her do that.

Botan liked that name too, "It's beautiful… they're beautiful."

"Yeah."

"So now that they're here, are you going to go back to that mistress of yours? Considering she's so important that you couldn't keep your hands off her even with a pregnant mate?" Botan hissed, her mood changing quickly. If she had to, she could go back to Ningenkai or Reikai and have her friends help her. Although she was sure a bit of explaining would be in order.

"Onna, I already told you, I didn't touch her," Hiei said, trying to explain. But Botan wouldn't have it.

"It sure didn't look like it when I walked in on you two _kissing_!"

"I _know_ what it _looked_ like, but it wasn't what you're thinking. Onna, _you're_ my mate. If I didn't want it that way, I never would have marked you. I wouldn't have came looking for you while you were carrying my own flesh and blood if I wanted some other whore. I wouldn't have come for you if I didn't… love you."

"Really?" Botan asked, with a small spark of hope shining through her eyes. Hiei… he never actually said he loved her before. Sure, he showed it and Botan never really needed to hear it… but how could she refuse him now?

"Yes."

Botan gazed at the two babies in her arms and then looked back at Hiei, "I love you too."

((End Flashback))

* * *

Kariudo gagged and started fake stabbing herself, "That was _disgusting_! Sickeningly sweet! Hiei, my love, how could you?" 

Hiei almost gagged himself, "Your love? You're nuts if you _ever_ thought you'd seduce me, even have a chance at seducing me. You make me sick."

Kuwabara came up and hollered, "You know what makes me sick? The fact that hamster legs has more girls fighting over him than me!"

Kariudo put her hand over her mouth and laughed out loud, "You know what makes me _sicker_? The fact that you're so delusional you think a girl would actually fight over your ugly face!"

Kuwabara growled and glared at her, "Yeah? Well you know what? Oh my god  
Botan, look at her butt. It is so big.

Botan laughed and went along with it, "She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But y'know, who understands those rap guys?"

Dawg had an offended look on his face and cracked an acorn he was chewing on, "Hey!"

Shizuru smirked and started singing too, "They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean her butt, it's just so big. I can't believe it's so round, it's like out there."

Kariudo's face started turning red with anger, "Idiots!"

"I mean - it's so gross. Look, she's just so fat," Keiko finished up and held her sides laughing.

Yusuke, who Canary had secretly called to be brought in started hooting, "Yeah, Keiko! You tell that skank!"

Keiko blushed and put a hand to her cheek, "Yusuke, you jerk! …Wait… Yusuke!" Keiko cried out in happiness.

"SLAVE-GIRL!" Yusuke started shaking the bars and reaching his hand out to try and grab Keiko, even if he was suspended twenty feet in the air…

Keiko's head dropped and she clenched her fists. Kurama backed away from her a few steps and sweatdropped. It was so like Yusuke to ruin the moment.

"What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me?" Keiko growled and even Hiei was surprised she could pull that off. Yusuke immediately stopped shaking the cage back and forth and held onto the bars for dear life. He knew as soon as he got out of there, he was going down, "Yusuke Urameshi, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"

"Again?" Yusuke blanked for a moment and then a look of recognition crossed his face, "Oohh… um, is that a bad thing? Because, you know, it depends on how I'm dying," Yusuke raised his eyebrow suggestively and pissed Keiko off even more.

Kariudo, who was just fed up with everyone shouted, "Can I just get back to my plans to DESTROY YOU ALL?"

Yusuke had an anger vein pop up on his forehead and shook his fist at her, "Give me a minute, I'm screwing up my life, you slut!"

Kuwabara, who hadn't paid them any mind, scratched his chin and walked to the left of Kariudo, "You know, you're butt looks even bigger from this angle."

Kariudo lost it at that point. She pulled out a ningen gun and pointed it at Kuwabara, "SHUT UP OR THE MORONIC, BAD, UGLY RAPPER GETS IT!"

Kuwabara huffed, "Yo, dat's not cool, nizzle."

Kariudo cocked the gun and shot.

…

…

Kuwabara didn't go down and he blinked, "Huh… I must be superman! It didn't even hurt!"

Kariudo threw the gun to the ground in a rage, "You _idiot_! The squirrel took the shot for you!"

Kuwabara looked down at his feet in horror, "Y-you shot Dawg!"

Hiei almost shouted in glee, "Yes!" …but he contained himself.

Canary ran over to Dawg and dropped to her paws, shaking him, "N-no! Get up! I really did love you, even if I did sleep with like twenty-seven other squirrels… but you were my one and only! My star-crossed lover!"

Dawg slowly put a shaking hand on her shoulder, "T-tell the onna… she was r-really hott… and I loved her."

Hiei growled and grabbed his katana, "Would you just die already? She's mine!"

Kuwabara who was in denial started lightly kicking Dawg in the side, "He's asleep! J-just asleep! Wake up, wake _up_!"

"He's dead, you baka," Hiei said, an evil grin on his face. Botan hit him upside the head, "Show some remorse!"

"It was a _squirrel_, onna."

"So!"

"So, no."

Shizuru sighed with relief, "Thank god it's dead. Now I don't have to listen to my brother trying to be 'gangster' all the time."

Kurama nodded, "It was quite annoying."

Yusuke who had still been shaking the cage, broke the chain from too much stress and the cage started falling to the ground, "Gah! No, somebody help me! Keiko's gonna kill me! I wanna stay in the air!"

"Unca Yuu! (Uncle Yusuke)!" Honoo shouted and giggled, clapping his hands.

"Damn it, I get a nickname too?" Yusuke muttered right before the cage hit the ground. A loud thud was heard and Yusuke came out all disgruntled and rubbing the back of his, "Well, that hurt like hell."

"Unca Yuu, saf us! (Uncle Yusuke, save us!)" Honoo jumped up and down in the cage and Hikari just sat there looking to the side, "Hn. Saf us."

Yusuke figured since everyone was concentrated on Dawg dying, that it'd be much easier to save the two kids. So he calmly walked over to their cage yawning. Since there were kids in it, Kariudo didn't bother making it a strong cage, and Yusuke easily snapped the bars and pulled them into his arms.

"Yay, Unca Yuu! Biggo!"

"Hn."

Yusuke sweatdropped and walked over to the group with them, "So, what'd I miss?"

Keiko who turned around with a knife that popped out of nowhere in her hands to kill him, dropped when she saw the sight of Yusuke holding the two kids in his arms, "AWWWWW! You better be like that when _we_ have kids!"

Yusuke grinned like a maniac, "Oh, I will. We'll be making kids _all_ night long."

Keiko blushed to the roots of her hair and clenched her fist, about to pound Yusuke to the ground, "Ugh! You idiot! You sexual frustrate!"

"Hey, I'm no idiot!" Yusuke whined, very offended.

"Are too," Shizuru grinned and popped up behind the two.

Botan forgetting about Kariudo and Dawg, ran over to Yusuke and grabbed the two from him and started hugging them, "Thank Kami-sama!"

Yusuke gave her a thumbs-up and clicked his tongue, "All in a days work."

Kurama frowned at him, "What are you talking about? It was your fault they were left in the first place. If you hadn't ran off to find some squirrels…"

"You're blaming this on me?" Yusuke hollered and looked around at everyone.

Hiei threw the sheath of his katana at the back of his head, "Yes, we're blaming this on you."

"B-but it's the squirrel's fault, damn it!" Yusuke grumbled and kicked the sheath to the other side of the room.

Botan stepped into the middle of everyone, "We still have to defeat Kariudo!"

"I vote we shoot her!" Kuwabara put his two cents in and started looking around for a rifle or something of the sort.

"Works for me!" Yusuke shouted and pointed his Spirit Gun at her. She backed up into the wall with her eyes wide and full of fear, "SPIRIT GUN!"

A bright light flew through the room and hit Kariudo dead on. She fell to the floor unconscious.

"Finally over," Botan sighed and everyone just walked out, not caring. Leaving Dawg, Kariudo, and Canary in the room.

Hiei used his Katana to split the ceiling when everyone was at the other end of the hallway, having rocks fall in front of the door, leaving the three trapped in there. He flitted over to the rest and calmly walked out of the castle with the others.

"So," Botan started, grinning cheekily at all of the other 'couples', "When do you all plan on having your own kids?"

((End Chapter))

* * *

Okay everyone, **this is the last chapter before the epilogue starts**! And just so you know, I already finished the first chapterof **the epilogue, which willhave a few parts**. Thanksfor reading! 


	10. Epilogue: Part 1

_Disclaimer_: Nope. Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. But we own all of the kids and the squirrels.

**Note:** The first two parts of the epilogue will be centered mostly around the kids, but the rest will be mostly parents.

* * *

((Kids Bios)) 

Honoo Jaganshi:

Son of Botan and Hiei. (Hikari's twin)

15.

Um, need I explain more? The whole story was kind of about them…

Name means flame.

Hikari Jaganshi:

Daughter of Botan and Hiei. (Honoo's twin)

15.

Same with Honoo.

Name means light.

Rei Urameshi:

Daughter of Yusuke and Keiko.

14.

Looks like a younger version of Keiko, but with black hair. She has dark brown eyes. Has her hair slicked back and in pigtails as a mixture of Yusuke and Keiko when they were younger. (Yusuke's doing.) She's smart like Keiko, but bad ass like her dad. Like he said, "Don' take no sht from anybody!" Quite the neat freak.

Name means Spirit.

Kaito Minamono:

Son of Kurama and Shizuru.

14.

Silver hair like Youko, but it's in a style like that of teenage Koenma's. He has Shizuru's light brown eyes. He _seems_ quiet and passive most of the time, but he really likes to have a good time. Quite the party boy actually. Loves tricking and pranking people. And he never gets caught… But, he's quite the over achiever in school.

Name means mysterious thief.

Yamabuki Minamono:

Daughter of Kurama and Shizuru

6.

Has green eyes like Shuichi, and also got his red hair. Loves annoying and embarrassing Kaito. All that needs to be said.

Name means wild rose

Nadare Kuwabara:

Daughter of Kuwabara and Yukina.

13.

She looks like Yukina, but has curly red hair like Kuwabara. Though, she has the red eyes. She's naïve, but very kind like her mother. She enjoys animal company, especially kitties!

Name means avalanche.

(They all inherit their parent's powers! So read to find out what they get!)

* * *

**They Had Kids!**

_Chapter: Epilogue part 1

* * *

_

((Begin))

(Urameshi household)

"Rei, Rei honey! Get up! It's time to get ready for school!" Keiko said, gently shaking the lump under the green sheets.

"Keiko! I want my coffee… where's my coffee woman?" Yusuke moaned in the doorway, eyes still half shut.

"If you want coffee, go make it Yusuke!" She exclaimed and then turned back to Rei., "Come on now, you have to get up for your first day back to school!"

"How do you work the coffee pot? Evil woman! GET ME MY COFFEE!" Yusuke screamed from out in the kitchen. Keiko sighed and shook Rei a little more, making her finally get up. Rei rubbed her eyes sleepily and looked over at the clock.

"Mom! It's only three in the morning! Are you crazy!"

"WOMAN! GET YOUR EVIL SELF OUT HERE AND MAKE ME COFFEE!" Yusuke screamed louder, making a cat howl from some random trashcan in an ally, and making some neighbors turn on their lights and bang on the walls.

"Dads not really a morning person is he?" Rei sweat dropped and looked over at her mom.

"CCCOOOOFFFFFEEEEEEEE! MAKE ME COOOFFFEEEEEE!" Yusuke crowed and started banging the coffee pot on Rei's door.

"Aw, mom! Just make dad his coffee before he breaks the door! And I'm going back to sleep! Wake me up at six thirty!" Rei said, and buried herself back under the sheets.

Keiko sighed and pushed Yusuke away from the door, grabbing the coffee pot, "All right! I'll make your stupid coffee!"

"Salvation!" Yusuke screamed and ran after Keiko into the kitchen.

((6:30))

"Rei! It's six thirty! Up!" Yusuke exclaimed and picked her and the sheets up, brought them out to the kitchen, and sat her down on a chair.

"Thanks dad," Rei grumbled irritably and waited for her mom to put breakfast on the table. When Keiko finally sat the plate in front of her, Rei took one look at it and cringed.

"Mom, why do my pancakes have smiley faces on them?"

"To celebrate the cheerful morning of course!" Keiko said happily and sat down in her own chair, "Yusuke! Don't be such a pig!"

She slapped him, and the food that was mashed up in the side of his cheek came flowing out onto his plate. Rei mumbled, "Yeah, real cheerful mom. Dad was screaming about his coffee, you woke me up at three in the morning, and then dad just has to have his mush rolling out the side of his mouth. _Real_ cheerful."

"Hey, I needed that coffee! It's what helps me get a good start on squirrel hunting!"

"Not again," Rei put a hand on her forehead, ignored her parents, and finished her breakfast. Yusuke just continued to rant on about how he poked a squirrel with the stick when he was little.

* * *

(Flashback- why he hates squirrels so much)

"Hey, Yusuke! I think its dead! Save it puh-lease!" Whined a young Keiko.

"Comin'!" Yusuke yelled back to her and came to examine the squirrel.

"Yup, definitely dead." He said while poking it with a stick.

"That's so sad...well, I gotta go Yusuke, see you tomorrow!" Keiko said and ran off, while Yusuke was still poking the squirrel with a stick.

Suddenly while poking it, the squirrel jumped up and snarled its teeth and jumped on Yusuke's back. "Get it off!" he yelled while scratching at his back trying to get it off. Soon enough, more squirrels gathered and jumped Yusuke and beat him senseless. Then they ran back to their tree and Yusuke swore his revenge on them one day.

(End Flashback)

* * *

Rei walked through her room, and into her bathroom to take a shower. When she was done, she brushed her teeth and put on her school uniform… her green school uniform.

It was 7:15, so she walked out into the kitchen again to grab her book bag, gave her dad a kiss on the cheek, who looked at her uniform and gave her the thumbs up. She went over to Keiko who was cleaning the dishes, to give her a hug. Keiko turned around and dropped her dish, and gasped at Rei.

"Woman! That's valuable stuff you just dropped!" Yusuke hollered and started trying to pick up the pieces and put them together.

"Dad… I think you need glue for that."

"No! No I don't! Just go to school, it'll be okay! Keiko's not crazy! Not crazy at all!" Yusuke ranted again, still playing with the pieces of glass.

"Dad! You seriously need glue for that. And don't cut yourself!" She said and ran out the door, before Keiko could make her change. She walked down the street and could _still_ hear Yusuke and Keiko screaming.

_My parents have serious problems. Ah well, they're the best._ She thought happily, and made her merry way down the street to the bus stop, waiting for the others to show up.

* * *

((Genkai's Temple- Kuwabara Family))

"Nadare, time to get up! TWEET, TWEET!" Kuwabara ahem, sang, trying to get his daughter up. Nadare moaned and pulled the pillow over her head tighter.

"COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOO!" He crowed in her ear, and then started clucking and doing chicken impressions.

"Father, please stop. I'm up," She said, throwing her feet over the side of her bed.

Kuwabara smiled. Did a freaky hair flip, and said, "My darling little snowflake has awakened!"

"Yes, I've awaken father," and smiled as her kitty walked into the room purring. It was white, and had blue eyes, "Shimo! Come here kitty!"

It looked up at her, and bounced on her bed. Nadare petted it for a minute, while Kuwabara went to make a breakfast in bed for Yukina.

Nadare got up and picked out her blue uniform from the closet, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and went to go eat some rice crispies. She left before her father could bother her some more, and left for her bus stop.

((Minamono Residence))

Kaito was dreaming happily of his next plot, when all of the sudden an annoying voice woke him from his beautiful dream.

"Kai-Kai! Wakey uppy!" The high voice said, and his bed started bouncing up and down.

_What the heck?_ He thought, and shot up, looking around. And of course, there was his sister, bouncing up and down on his bed, making his pillows fly everywhere.

"Yamabuki! GET OUT!" he yelled, and threw his last pillow at her head. She got tears in her eyes, and her lip quivered.

_Not again…_ He thought and just buried his face in his mattress, trying to sleep.

Yamabuki ran out of the room crying, into the kitchen. Where her dad was making breakfast for the family.

_Perfect! _She thought, and ran up to her dad, snatching on to his leg.

"Daddy, Kai-Kai y-yelled at me. T-then he threw a p-p-pillow at me!" She wailed and started banging her fists on his leg. He looked down at her and smiled, knowing Kaito didn't do anything _that_ bad.

"Maybe you should try waking him up nicer. He might be nicer to you then," Kurama said and patted her little red head.

Shizuru just shook her head, smoking her cigarette. Kurama tried to get her to stop, but she has her ways to make him listen. She grinned to herself and watched as Yamabuki nodded sadly and sat next to her. She watched as Kaito bounded out of his room and threw himself on a chair at table.

"Morning," He mumbled, and his head fell flat on the table.

"Morning Kai-Kai!" Yamabuki giggled happily and waved at him.

"Must you call me that!" He yelled, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"'Course Kai-Kai!"

Kurama took that time to come over and put the plates on the table, taking a seat next to Shizuru.

"Just be happy you weren't called Camel, okay?" Shizuru said, taking her fork and digging into her eggs.

"Camel? What are you talking about mom?" Kaito asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah. Camel. After my," she paused, inhaling her cigarette, "Cigarettes."

"I think… I'll stick with Kai-Kai."

"Yay!" Yamabuki squealed and clapped her hands together, then totally ignoring him and ate her food. Kaito sighed, and decided to leave before anything got weird around here, which it always does.

"See ya, I'm going to school," he said, washing his dishes and grabbing his book bag. He happily walked out the door and whistled on his way down the street, thinking of new ways to terrorize the teachers.

* * *

((Jaganshi Clan))

Botan came skipping into the dark room, no light could be seen through the windows.

"Hiei, time to get up sleepy head! My wittle shmoopy bear!"

"God damnit onna! I told you not to call me that!" Hiei growled from his happy pillows and pulled the covers over his head.

"But you're my shmoopy!" She said, smiling giddily at him as she pulled the covers off of him.

"No. I'm not," He replied, and pulled the covers back up.

"Oh, but you're very shmoopy this morning!" She said and pulled them back down.

"Onna, aren't you _tired_? It's too early for this!"

"Nope. Not tired at all!" She said and sat on her side of the bed.

"Sleep well?" She asked and tried to pull him up, but it didn't work.

"Yes, I did. Now let me sleep."

"But the twins made breakfast!" She cried and started shaking him, while he just took it, trying to sleep some more.

"Good for them."

"Hiei Jaganshi! Get up right this instant or you're sleeping on the couch!"

Hiei's eyes snapped open, and he turned to the onna, "Not again! You wouldn't do that again!"

"No silly, but now that you're up, time for breakfast!" She smiled and dragged him out by his arms, while Hiei just dragged along the carpet.

"Onna, you are evil. Plain evil."

"I know shmoopy, I know," She said and put him on the chair out in the kitchen. Oh yes, she made him move her to Ningenkai. She walked over to Honoo and looked over his shoulder, seeing how the waffles were going.

"Hey 'Kari, check the answering machine," Honoo said, still playing with his waffles.

"Fine. And don't call me 'Kari."

"But I just did. Too late!" Honoo replied, poking his waffle with the fork.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Hikari said as she pressed the red button on the answering machine, waiting for it to start playing.

_Hello, you've reached the house of Hiei, Botan, Honoo, and Hikari Jaganshi. Please leave a message after the be- Onna! Stop playing with that ningen contraption and come to bed! Don't mind him, he's grumpy tonight. Onna! We're almost out of whipped cream! Hurry up! Hiei, I'm kind of trying to do this message thing! Who cares! What baka would want to leave a message for us anyway? I don't know, somebody. Onna! I'm hungry! I want a chimychanga! Then make it yourself Shmoopy! Hey, why don't you- BEEEPPPP._

Hikari sweat dropped and turned to her dad, giving him a glare that could rival his own, "I told you to change that seven months ago!"

"Hn. I still want that chimychanga onna."

"Biggo! Breakfast is ready!" Honoo said, and brought the plates over to the table.

"You realize that it's pronounced Bingo right?" Hikari asked, rolling her eyes at her brother after sitting down to eat her waffles.

"Of course I do, but I like it better Biggo."

"Bingo!"

"Biggo!"

"Bingo!"

"Biggo!"

"Kids the bus will be here soon, stop fighting and eat," Botan said, and put another piece of waffle in her mouth.

"Hn. I'm done anyway, see ya later mom and dad," Hikari said and put her dish in the sink.

"Hey, wait up!" Honoo cried after her, stuffed the rest of his waffle in his mouth, and ran to his bag and out the door.

Botan sighed and shook her head at the two, turning to Hiei, "_So_, Shmoopy. What now?"

"Hn."

* * *

((At the Bus Stop))

Rei arrived first, having woken up early so she wouldn't be late with all the ruckus her parents caused, arrived first.

She sighed, and looked at the passing cars, "Not very cheerful at all…"

"Hey! Rei! Good morning!" Nadare called, and ran up to her, panting lightly.

"Not really…" Rei trailed off and sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. My mom and dad were just being weird again."

"Really? My dad was crowing like a rooster this morning," Nadare said and giggled.

"Thanks. I don't feel so bad anymore," Rei replied and giggled too.

But Nadare's zipper on her book bag suddenly started opening, and a fuzzy ear popped out.

"You didn't!" Rei said and looked at Nadare who was trying to stuff the fuzzy ear back in.

"Um… I did?" Nadare said and kept trying to stuff Shimo back in the bag, but he just kept on popping out, "Oh well, I guess you can stay out until the bus comes," she said and petted the spot behind the kitty's ear.

Kaito calmly walked up to them and stopped beside Nadare and grinned, "Mind telling me why you have a cat in your backpack?"

"Um… no. Not really," She answered and shook her head, he just grinned more and kicked a rock into the street so a car would hit it and its tire would pop. And it did… and killed a squirrel in the process.

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe you just killed a squirrel Kaito!" Nadare cried and her eyes started tearing.

"Score! Er…Don't cry Nadare! It could be breakfast for your cat!" Kaito said and patted her on the back.

"B-but Shimo already ate."

"Then feed him again."

"Okay!" Nadare agreed happily and petted Shimo again.

"First let's make sure if it's dead or not," Rei said and grabbed a stick. She kneeled down in front of the squirrel and poked it once. It didn't move, so she poked it again. It moved, so she poked it again, making sure she wasn't seeing things. She wasn't. It jumped up at her and started attacking her. It scratched her face so she grabbed the thing by its tail and yelled, "Spirit Slap!"

Her hand started glowing blue, and she slapped the squirrel as hard as she could. It went flying and Kaito stared at it in wonder.

"Y-you're dad… he wasn't lying when he said squirrels were evil!" Kaito said, still looking on amazed.

"My dying squirrel senses picked up death around here. Did you guys see it?" Yusuke asked, running up to them.

"Dad? Where did you come from?"

"Gluing that plate back together."

"Oh… well it went that way. About 500 yards or so," Rei said, pointing east of her.

"That's it! This treaty is over! Stupid squirrels! Back to war!" Yusuke yelled and went after it, also screaming about dumping some hot coffee on them.

"Here, let me heal your scratch, Rei," Nadare offered, and put her hand on Rei's cheek, easily healing the small scratch.

"What was that all about?" Honoo asked, coming up behind them.

"Yeah, what was your baka father screaming about now?" Hikari asked, coming from behind him.

Kaito's eyes got wide, and his tongue started hanging out of his mouth, drooling at Hikari, "Nothing. Nothing at all, 'Kari."

"Only Honoo can call me 'Kari, Kaito," Hikari said and blushed a light pink while glaring at him.

"Really?" Honoo asked, on his tippy toes he was so happy.

"No," She said and turned her glare back at her brother.

_Thanks for ruining the moment you baka!_ Hikari said telepathically to her brother and sighed.

_Hey, you shouldn't be goggling over my best friend in the first place!_ Honoo replied and went to go talk to Kaito and see what's up.

"Kai-Kai!" You could here from the distance and Hikari laughed, "Speaking of _stupid_ nicknames."

Kaito blushed and ran over to Yamabuki, shushing her.

"Kai-Kai! You forgot your lunch!" She said, waving his lunch in front of his face.

"Do you have to be so loud?" He hissed, and grabbed his lunch away from her.

"Sorry, I forgot. Your _girlfriend _is here," She said, smirking and pointing at Hikari. Hikari blushed and turned away, "Hn. Am not."

Kaito also blushed and started pushing Yamabuki down the road towards their house, "Shut up 'Buki! She's not my girlfriend!"

"Hey, here comes the bus you guys!" Rei said as the bus pulled up in front of her.

_Great, the first day back at school._ They all thought and walked onto the bus.

((End of Part 1))

* * *

So, did you like? I know shmoopy did! Haha! 


	11. Epilogue: Part 2

_Disclaimer_: Just to show you how cruel this world really is, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

**Note**: I'm VERY sorry for not updating. I kind of hit some writer's block. But I'm back! Parents don't have many parts in this chapter, but the next chapter is ALL them. The next part of the epilogue will probably have the most humor.

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Chapter: Epilogue Part 2_

* * *

((Begin)) 

_Greeaat, the first day back at school._ They all thought and walked onto the bus.

Kaito and Honoo sat in the back of the bus together, and the others followed in front of them. Hikari, Rei, and Nadare amazingly enough sat in one seat together.

The girls were gossiping the whole time, while Kaito told Honoo his new plan. They stopped, when a boy got on at the next stop, sat in the seat across from the girls. He looked over at them and waved with a smirk on his face, "Hey there, ladies."

"Um… Hi!" Rei said and smiled at him, "I'm Rei."

"I'm Nadare."

"Hn. It's none of your business who I am."

"It doesn't matter, I know who you guys are," The guy said really creepily. Nadare backed up in the seat a bit, squishing Hikari, who was in the middle, and squishing Rei who was next to the window.

"Nadare, move over!" Rei said, backed against the window.

"Well, so-rry if this freak is scaring me!" Nadare snapped at her turning around to look at the two girls. The boy took that moment in time to grab Nadare's cat, who was poking it's head out of her book bag.

"Hey! Give that back!" Honoo exclaimed as he saw what happened. Nobody picks on his cousin! OR his sister. He was very protective of them, his mom said he got that from his dad.

"Make me! …Tell ya what, I'll give it back if Hikari goes out on a date with me."

"That's disgusting," Hikari said, and turned her head to the side, "Yet, I'll do it. But you have to give the cat back."

"You bastard! You stay away from her!" Kaito shouted, shooting up from his seat. People turned around in their seats and stared, while blinked and blushed a deep red.

"Oops. That wasn't supposed to come out," Kaito said in a squeaky voice and slumped in his seat, embarrassed. Hikari blushed too, and Honoo just smacked his forehead.

"What? What does that mean?" Nadare asked, looking around wondering what was going on.

"Don't worry about it," Rei said and shook her head at the naive girl.

"Oh, you two are together, eh? I guess I'll just have to keep the fuzz ball for myself. Too bad I forgot my lunch. Fried cat sounds good right about now."

"That's horrible! You eat cats!" Nadare shouted, while Hikari muttered "Pig," under her breath.

_Hey, 'Kari! I've got an idea!_ Honoo said through telepathy. Hikari looked over at him and nodded, signaling for him to continue.

_Okay, you flirt with this guy to distract him, and I'll get Shimo from the freak._ Hikari nodded again, even though she really didn't like the plan, she wanted to get Shimo back for her cousin.

"Hey, did anybody ever tell you your kind of cute?" Hikari asked him, twirling her hair and speaking in a very girly voice. Kaito's jaw dropped as he stared at them, "What!"

"Really?" The guy asked, leaning closer over to their seat.

"Oh, oh, yes! Extremely. Baby, you so fine."

"Well, actually, there's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself..."

"Hell no- …I mean, of course! Anything for a hotty like you!"

"What is she doing?" Rei hissed to Nadare, and Hikari elbowed her. Rei shut up and watched as Kaito had a mental breakdown.

"Well, you know. If you're available and a-all," The boy said, grinning to himself.

"She's not! Back off!" Kaito shouted and Hikari looked at him, a beet red, again. Kaito looked down and played with his fingers.

"Of course I'm available Kaito," She hissed, trying to make it obvious that she was playing with the guy's head. He didn't take notice to that fact, though.

"Pick you up at seven," The boy said, glaring at Kaito.

"Righhtt. Greeaattt," Hikari muttered and cursed her brother mentally for dragging her into this stupid plan.

_Hurry up and get the cat!_ She yelled at him while he was busy consoling Kaito.

"OH GOD…," He wailed, "My life is so pointless. I was gonna be called camel, I hate my sister, and now _this!_"

"There, there, Kaito. It's not that bad, is it?" Honoo patted him on the back while Kaito just freaked out more. Honoo took that opportunity while the boy was staring at Kaito, to take Shimo back. Nadare cheered, and huggled her kitty when he gave it to her, and Hikari sighed happily, now that she didn't have to pretend to actually like the guy. The guy glared at Honoo and went on the other side of the bus.

"Kaito, you can stop crying now," Hikari said bluntly and he looked up.

"No I can't!" Kaito wailed, "It's over!" He cried and threw hands up in the air as to say "Why? Why god, why me?'

"It's over? It never started! Stay away from my sister!" Honoo said and tackled Kaito in the seat.

"Um… we're at school now," Rei mumbled and grabbed her backpack.

"Hurry! Before the mean guy comes back!" Nadare said and ran off the bus. Kaito's eyes widened in fear, pushed Honoo off of him, and started pushing Hikari off the bus.

"Get out! Move, Hikari! Off! OFF THE BUS NOW!" Kaito shouted and pushed her through the door.

"Biggo! Let's move!" Honoo agreed as he saw the boy coming towards them in the isle. Hikari looked back at Kaito and gave him her father's infamous death glare, and he gulped, muttering "Sorry, …please move?" as she walked out.

"Are we all in the same class again this year?" Rei asked when they all got off and the bus blew by them.

"Yeah, my mom made _sure_ of that!" Kaito grinned maliciously and started whistling.

"Count on Mrs. Minamono to take care of that," Honoo said and laughed lightly. That lady seriously has some good connections.

Nadare smiled at her cousin and walked to homeroom, the other's following. Same boring, annoying, easy to anger teacher as last year. Kaito loved the thought. They walked in to the room, and everybody was talking about the summer in their social groups.

"All right class, everybody please take your seats. Calm down now," Mr. Ryo ordered with a lisp as he walked into the room. He was balding and had some gray-ish brown hairs.

"Yo! Sup, dawg?" One of the gangsters shouted from the corner as Kaito walked up to the front desk and the girls swooned. Hikari got a little red from anger, but nobody paid attention.

"Dude, what's wrong with your voice?" Kaito asked Mr. Ryo.

"I have a lisp," The teacher said, spitting in Kaito's eye. Kaito wiped his eyes and made a disgusted face.

"UGH! You just spit in my eye!" Kaito shouted and pointed at him, shaking his finger.

"I'm very sorry about that," Mr. Ryo said, spitting on him once again.

"You just did it again! You disgust me! Stupid teachers like you don't know anything!" He said, shaking his head with malice, "I'm moving to the back. I ain't staying near you and getting spit all over for the rest of the year! Screw that!"

"Sir, I must insist you stay in your seat," The teacher said, going to stop him from moving to the back.

"Stop. Spitting. On. ME!" Kaito growled and kicked the guys shin.

The whole class burst out laughing, even Hikari, and Kaito smiled at her in triumph. It was hard getting that girl to laugh!

"Mr. Minamono, go to the office!" The teacher shouted, his face growing purple.

"Calm down plum face, I'm just gonna go chill in the back," Kaito waved him off with his hand and walked to his seat with his hands in his pockets, and sat down please.

"Kaito, could you quit being such a jerk? And on the _first_ day!" Rei hissed from her seat next to him.

"Nah, life wouldn't be fun like that," He sighed and slumped in his chair to sleep.

"That's it! Pop quiz!" Mr. Ryo shouted and grabbed a stack of papers from his desk.

"It's only the first day!" Honoo whined and put his face in his hands.

"Thank your friend for that," Mr. Ryo smiled weirdly, and spit over Honoo this time.

"I think you need to get that fixed," Honoo grumbled and passed back his papers to Kaito. The class went silent and all started filling in answers. It took Kaito three minutes before he threw his pencil down and was finished his test.

"Oh, and are you finished Mr. Minamono?" The teacher sneered and came to take his test anyway.

"Why thanks for caring, I am," Kaito gave him a thumbs up, propped his feet up on his desk, and decided to go to sleep.

"I bet you failed that Mr. Minamono," The teacher said, sitting on his desk to grade it.

"Nah, passed that with flying colors," Kaito disagreed non-caringly and shut his eyes again to sleep.

_Hikari! What's the answer to number one?_ Honoo asked her telepathically.

_You're not even past _one

_That's not the point!_

_You want me to help you cheat, don't you?_ Hikari said telepathically back to him, shook her head and continued on with the rest of her test.

_Yes… no! Maybe… I don't know! I just need help!_

_I'll say…_

_Not funny, 'Kari! Just tell me the answer!_

_Nah, I don't feel like it._

_Pl-ease! I really need your help on this one!_

_Fine! If it'll shut you up, it's A!_

_Thanks!_ Honoo smiled and she nodded, going back to her test again.

((40 minutes later…))

_Hikari, what's the answer to question number…two?_

_You didn't even do number two yet? What were you doing this whole time?_

_Um… thinking?_

_Hn. Too bad. You should have been finishing._

"Times up," The teacher said, his lisp still strong.

"But I only did one question!" Honoo wailed and threw his hands up in the air.

"Then you can go outside and finish your test," Mr. Ryo said sweetly, spitting on his test too. Honoo ignored and cried out a happy, "Biggo!"

As he was running out in the hallway Hikari shouted, "It's B-I-N-G-O! WITH AN 'N'!"

"Oh, he's so kawaii when he says biggo!" The girl on her left cried and hearts appeared in her eyes. She looked over to Hikari, "Isn't he cute?"

Hikari gave a disgusted grunt, "He's my _brother_."

The girls gasped, "That's right! That means you can give us your phone number and we can call him and-"

Hikari cut them off, "I'm not going to just give you our number so you can stalk my brother."

"I'M FINISHED!" Honoo burst through the door, waving his paper through the air happily.

Mr. Ryo gave him annoyed look and towered over him, speaking with his lisp, "Congratulations, would you like a medal now?"

Honoo looked up at him sweetly, "No, but I _would_ like you to stop spitting all over me."

The class burst out laughing.

Kaito slapped his desk and cheered, "That's great, man! Yeah, Lispy, why don't you stop spitting all over us? And go to a speech class, will ya?"

Mr. Ryo started taking deep breaths. He clenched and unclenched his fists, muttering to himself, "They're just kids, don't let 'em break ya."

"I give ya a week," Kaito got up from his seat and patted him Mr. Ryo on the back, "Good luck, it's gonna be a _long_ week."

Mr. Ryo looked at him and glared, "Please sit in your seat, Mr. Minamono."

"How many times has he said that today?" Rei asked and leaned back in her desk.

Kaito shrugged, " I don't know, I usually stop listening after please."

* * *

((End of the Day: On the Bus Home)) 

Hikari slumped into the seat next to Kaito and sighed. Kaito blushed and turned his head to look out the window. Honoo got on a minute later and glared at his best friend, "Don't pull any of your stunts on my sister like you do the rest of the girls!"

"Stunts?" Nadare asked, coming up behind him and sitting next to Honoo.

"Y-yeah! You know how he acts!" Honoo stuttered and kept glaring at Kaito.

Rei grinned mischievously at Honoo, "No, Honoo, we don't. Why don't you explain it?"

"You know how he is with girls! He's like… the class player! He's like your dad, Rei!"

"Don't bring my dad into this!" Rei growled and kicked his seat.

Kaito kept blushing. _That's just to get freakin' Hikari to take a hint! Besides, I can't help it if they all like my charming façade and devilish good looks! _He thought it and ran a hand through his silky hair.

Honoo pouted, "Besides, remember last year he stole all three of my girlfriends! I had no date for the school dance!"

"It's not _my_ fault the ladies are attracted to me!" Kaito said and put his hands up in defense.

"Psh," Hikari muttered in an angry huff.

Nadare's eyes widened innocently as she looked at Hikari, "Are you jealous?"

Kaito got a hopeful look in his eyes as he watched her, "Really?"

"No!" Hikari blushed and slumped further down into the seat next to her.

Honoo jumped up in his seat and pointed his finger at Kaito, "HA! That's one you can't have! Finally!"

Rei sweatdropped as the two started fighting (friendly fighting, of course) and fingered the paper in her pocket. All of them had gotten into _some_ kind of trouble (even Nadare… although it wasn't her fault) with Mr. Ryo. So now on the first day of school, they had a parent teacher conference.

_Oh, kami! The school is gonna be torn down within the first ten minutes!_

The bus driver, finally getting fed up with the two fighting, pulled a bunny and a gun out of the glove compartment. She put the gun to the bunny's head, "Shut up or the bunny gets it!"

Everything went quiet.

(Yes, I got that from South Park)

The bus came to a stop (not that they even noticed it was moving), and the gang all got off quietly at their stop.

"So," Rei started, "While our parents are at this conference, you all wanna come over my house?"

A chorus of 'yes's were heard and everyone went their separate ways, only after Kaito snuck his last glance at Hikari first.

* * *

((Rei's house)) 

Rei sighed before opening the door and walking in. She wasn't even in for a second before Keiko came running in and hugged her tightly, "How was your first day? What did you do?"

Rei awkwardly hugged her back and backed up, gathering her breath, "Well, you and dad have to go to a parent-teacher conference."

Yusuke walked in at that moment with an odd look on his face, "Who the _hell_ came up with that idea? …They should be shot!"

Rei shook her head with a typical grin on her face, "My teacher did."

"What a moron!" Yusuke shouted and shook a fist in the air.

"Tell me about it!" Rei agreed and grabbed a drink from the fridge. Her mom was over in the corner having a fit, and Rei decided she would definitely stay on the _other_ side of the room.

"I'm not going!" Yusuke shouted and tried to run up to the bedroom and lock himself in, but sadly, Keiko grabbed him by his collar and started dragging him out the door, "Too bad, you're going!"

Yusuke dug his nails into the floor, trying to keep himself from being pulled out the door, "NOOO! You promised I didn't have to go back after graduating! That place is _EVIL_! I don't wanna go back, Keiko! I still have nightmares!" Yusuke wailed and tears formed in his eyes.

Keiko kept dragging him anyway, "Yusuke, shut up. We're going."

Rei watched the two close the door and just shook her head, waiting for her friends to arrive.

* * *

((Nadare)) 

Nadare smiled as her father hugged her as soon as she opened the door.

She smiled as Yukina came in and gently pried him off of her, "Now, now, Kazuma, SHOW SOME SELF-CONTROL!"

O.o …(Sorry everyone, had to put in that outburst n.n;)

_Mom scares me sometimes…one minute she's happy and polite, the next she's screaming!_

"Um, you need to go to a conference with my teacher," Nadare said, keeping up her innocent smile.

"OFF WE GO, MY SNOW BUNNY!" Kuwabara shouted in glee and walked out the door with a smiling Yukina. Nadare followed behind silently before separating with them and going over to Rei's with Shimo in her arms.

* * *

((Kaito)) 

Kaito slammed the door as he walked into his house, and threw his books carelessly on the floor, "I'm home!"

"KAI-KAI'S BACK!" was all he heard until his legs were squeezed by small arms.

"Yo, 'Buki," Kaito said tonelessly and pushed her off his legs gently.

Yamabuki frowned and saw the paper sticking out of his pocket, grabbing it quickly. She ran into the kitchen waving it in the air, "KAI-KAI'S IN TROUBLE! KAI-KAI'S IN TROUBLE!" she sang and Kaito growled, running in after her. He was too late, however, and Kurama grabbed the paper to read it.

Kaito slowly backed out of the kitchen only to bump into Shizuru. She grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and walked into the kitchen, "You're not going anywhere."

"What did you do now?" Kurama asked, dropping the paper on the table.

Shizuru proudly patted his back, "You better not have taken any crap from those teachers."

"Heh, I didn't," Kaito grinned at his mom and she smiled back.

"Well, let's go then," Shizuru said and grabbed her purse, Yamabuki, and Kurama before he could punish Kaito and ran to the car, driving to the school.

Kaito shook his head. _Leave it to mom to get me out of trouble._

He slammed the door again on his way to Rei's, just for good measure.

* * *

((Honoo and Hikari)) 

Hikari practically ran to the door, trying to drown out Honoo's LONG list of reasons why she should stay away from Kaito.

"And he has _horrible_ hair, so I don't know why all the girls like it so much!" Honoo was about to add another reason before Hikari blew up.

"BE _QUIET_, OKAY? I GOT IT AFTER THE FIRST 367 REASONS!"

"Biggo!" Honoo said happily and sauntered through the door with a victorious grin on his face.

Botan's worried face popped out from the family room, "What are you two fighting about?"

"He started it!" Hikari said, pointing to Honoo who put his hands behind his back and gave his mom an innocent smile. Botan narrowed her eyes at him, "Don't give me that innocent act!"

Hiei came in through the kitchen, chimichanga in hand, and glared at everyone, "Hn."

"Shmoopy! There you are!" Botan jumped on him and he pouted.

"I'm not shmoopy!"

Hikari groaned, "Here we go again."

"ANYWAY," Honoo interrupted, "You two have to go meet our teacher. Apparently we're bad."

"Apparently," Hikari grumbled and handed the two her note as Botan climbed off of Hiei.

"Hn. Damn school. I told you the ningens would screw up our kids!" Hiei growled and stalked out the door, waiting for Botan to get on his back so he could flit off to the school.

Botan waved to her kids and walked out, "Don't get into any trouble now, kids."

Hikari and Honoo grinned evilly at each other and made their way to Rei's.

((End Chapter))

* * *

If anybody wants to read a HB Halloween one-shot, read my new story, House 417!

And again, sorry about the LONG wait. I'll be updating both of my other stories soon. I'm edging out of my writer's block, and have some fresh ideas for them.


	12. Epilogue: Part 3

_Disclaimer_: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but we do own all of the Reikai Tantei's kids and their teachers, and the squirrels!

Note: Some raunchy material, but nothing horrible.

* * *

**They Had Kids!  
**_Epilogue: Part Three_

* * *

((Begin- Rei's House)) 

Rei sighed and pushed herself up off of the chair when the doorbell rang. Lazily, she pulled the door open, without even checking who it was, and walked back to her chair and flopped down in it again.

"Yo," Kaito said and went straight to her refrigerator. Long walk.

Rei scoffed and flipped channels on the TV, "Just help yourself, why don't you?"

Kaito grinned and his head appeared above the door, "Thanks, I will," and he went back to rummaging through, grabbing a soda.

"Right," Rei remarked sarcastically and kept her eyes glued to the TV.

The doorbell rang again and she just sat there. Kaito shook his head, annoyed, and opened it for her. His eyes lit up when he saw who it was, "Hey Hikari! …Oh, you too, Honoo."

Honoo glared at his best friend, "Hello to you too."

Hikari pushed past them and sat on the Urameshi's couch, "Hn. Morons."

Kaito pouted and threw himself down next to her, "Surely, you can't mean that?"

"Yes I can," Hikari remarked, trying to hide her smile.

Nadare was the last to arrive and smiled as Honoo opened the door for her to come in, Shimo in her arms. She sat on the floor with Honoo and they all watched Rei flip through channels.

Honoo's eyes went as wide as saucers when Rei came upon the playboy channel, "HOLY BIGGO!"

Nadare covered the cats eyes as a gasp escaped her lips.

"KEEP IT ON!" Kaito hooted with a perverted grin on his face.

"That's disgusting!" Hikari punched his arm and moved a few inches away from him on the couch.

Rei's own wide eyes saw a dollar sign on the corner of the screen and shouted in a sickened voice, "My dad _pays_ for this channel!"

"Your dad's my hero!" Kaito cheered and took a long sip of his soda, just watching the TV.

Nadare finally found her voice again, "Change the channel!"

"I can't, I lost the remote!" Rei cried and fumbled around her, looking for the remote.

"Somebody get up and press the button on the TV then!" Hikari rolled her eyes as nobody got up.

"What, are you crazy?" Kaito asked her and she growled at him. He put his hands up in defense with a scared smile etched on his lips. She turned away with a huff. Kaito coughed obviously a few times before slowly edging his arm over the back of the couch and around her shoulders. She blushed to the roots of her hair, but didn't move.

Honoo watched the two with angry eyes, "There goes the playboy again!"

Rei looked at them, "How romantic," she said sarcastically, "Wrap your arm around her while the playboy channel is on."

Nadare smiled innocently, "You two should just get married."

Hikari's eyes widened in horror. She'd heard stories about what happened at all of their parents' weddings!

* * *

((Flashback- Hiei and Botan's wedding.)) 

"If anyone has any reason for these two not to be joined in holy matrimony, please speak now or forever hold your peace," The priest's words rang through the church walls and Botan's bright smile almost lit up Hiei's face.

Yusuke moved from his position in line behind Kurama, who was best man, and punched his fist in the air, "I object!"

The room was filled with silence before murmurs broke out in the crowd. Botan's smile was wiped from her face and she looked at Yusuke, "Why? What's wrong?"

Yusuke grinned and laughed, holding his sides, "Nah, I'm just kiddin'. Go on, get married. Go on!" Yusuke waved her on and Botan broke out in angry tears.

Keiko's growl could be heard three miles away and she tackled Yusuke, "YOU JERK!"

Thus, a fight broke out.

((Kurama and Shizuru's Wedding))

Kurama, Yusuke, and Hiei were standing up on the podium, waiting for Kuwabara and waiting for the ceremony to start. Kurama wrung his hands nervously.

Hiei smirked, "Let's hope the oaf doesn't show up."

Yusuke nodded, "Probably at home watching shows about kittens."

Suddenly the doors were thrown open and Kuwabara ran in. Hiei and Yusuke guffawed and Kurama slapped his forehead.

"What are you guys laughing at?" Kuwabara demanded angrily and walked up to them.

Kurama narrowed his eyes at him, "Please tell me, _why_ are you wearing a dress?"

Kuwabara was indeed wearing a dress. He grinned and twirled around, showing them his dress. It was pink, frilly, and had bows. Hiei felt the need to gag.

"Well, the invitation said get dressed up!"

"Not _that_ kind of dress, you moron!" Hiei's voice was drowned out by the music starting. Kurama dreaded having to do this with Kuwabara in a dress, but they didn't have time to change him.

All the bride's maids were down the isle and in their spots, and Shizuru finally came through the door.

She dropped the bouquet once she saw Kuwabara standing in line in a dress, "Oh my god, we can't do this."

…They went through with it anyway.

((Kuwabara and Yukina's Wedding))

Botan set Hiei up in the line in handcuffs, making sure that Hiei won't kill Kuwabara. She smiled and ran back into the room to help Yukina with last minute adjustments.

Yusuke scoffed and looked at Kuwabara, who had a baboon-ish smile on his face, "It won't last. Yukina's gonna come to her senses and dump the fool."

"Nu-uh! You wanna go, Urameshi?" Kuwabara shouted and put up his fists.

Kurama tried to calm them, "Please, it's your wedding. Calm down."

While this was going on, Hiei was trying to bite through the handcuffs so he could get to killing Kuwabara. They snapped and a wicked smirk grew on his face.

"Shorty's free!" Kuwabara crowed in horror and ran around in a circle. Hiei kicked him and the two rolled to the ground in a cloud of dust, fighting. The music started and all the girls saw what was happening, and ran in to stop the two. Their attempts were futile.

Kuwabara ended up in the hospital and married Yukina three weeks later, without Hiei at the wedding.

((Yusuke and Keiko's Wedding))

Yusuke did a victory dance around a colorful machine, when a hand appeared on his shoulder. Yusuke turned around to see who it was who disturbed his fun at the arcade, "Kurama?"

"Yusuke, _what_ are you doing?" Kurama glared angrily at him and Yusuke backed to the wall.

"Um, playing video games?"

Kurama took a hostile step closer to him, "On your wedding day?"

Yusuke waved him off, "That's not until the fifteenth!"

"Today _is_ the fifteenth," Kurama grit out, and his hand twitched, ready to pull out his rosewhip.

"Shit, are you kiddin' me? …Well, this really puts a knot in my schedule… Can't we reschedule for next Wednesday?" Yusuke scratched the back of his head.

"Keiko is going to _kill_ you, and I wouldn't blame her," Kurama stalked out with a deathly look on his face, ready to tell Keiko that Yusuke wasn't going to marry her because he was too busy trying to beat his top-score at the arcade.

They got married the day they were supposed to, although Yusuke was tied to a chair with cuts and bruises adorning his face all through the ceremony…

((End Flashbacks))

* * *

"Can somebody just turn off the playboy channel already?" Honoo growled, hating the thought of his sister and Kaito getting, dare he say it, married. 

"No way! We're just getting to the good part!" Kaito hooted, his arm still wrapped around Hikari tightly.

Hikari's eyebrow twitched and she pushed him off. She got up and pressed the button on the TV, turning off the playboy channel. Many protests were made from Kaito.

"Whatever, I'm just hoping our parents don't screw us over at this stupid parent-teacher conference," Rei sighed, looking out the window.

* * *

((Outside Mr. Ryo's Room))

"Alright guys, here's the plan," Yusuke started, "You hold him down and I beat him up!"

Keiko slapped him, "Yusuke, there is no plan!"

"Oh… damn."

Kurama shook his head at the two while Shizuru just smoked her cigarette. He sighed and walked in.

Hiei followed him in after arriving and Botan stood outside, chatting animatedly with Keiko. Yukina came up to the two, and fiddled her way through the conversation. Kuwabara and Yusuke walked in too.

"Welcome to my classroom," Mr. Ryo greeted, his lisp as strong as ever.

Yusuke's eyes widened, "Holy. Shit," and he promptly fell to the floor laughing, "That is the most HILARIOUS thing I've ever heard!"

Kuwabara jumped up from the desk he had taken and pointed at Mr. Ryo, "MAN TALK FUNNY!"

Mr. Ryo glared at him and pointed right back at Kuwabara, "Ugly talk stupid! …Anyway, I'm here to tell how your children behaved to day in school."

"Hn. Well get on with it," Hiei grunted from the back of the classroom. Botan glared at him, "Shmoopy, be nice!"

"They're all super, stupendous, special children-" Mr. Ryo started, but Yusuke cut in.

"Dude! I think he spit like five times in that one sentence!"

"Yusuke!"

Another slap resounded around the school.

Mr. Ryo glanced over at Kurama and Shizuru, "Except your child, he's despicable! A menace to society! There's something wrong with him!"

Shizuru puffed cigarette smoke in his face, "There's something wrong with your voice."

"And your brain too!" Yamabuki remarked. It wasn't the best insult, but come on, she treid.

Mr. Ryo looked down at the small red-head with nothing but disgust in his eyes, "My, what a big mouth we have on us!"

Yamabuki frowned and stuck her tongue out at him, "And what a big lisp you have!"

Yusuke was getting restless and was fidgeting in his seat, "When's this thing over?"

Mr. Ryo glanced around, "What time is it?"

Kuwabara took that as his queue, "Time to get your lisp fixed!"

"_Excuse_ me?" Mr. Ryo turned on his heel, glaring at the ugly man.

Yamabuki jumped up excitedly, "No, excuse _you_, Lispy!"

"Now I know where she gets it, her awful brother!" Mr. Ryo retaliated with a triumphant smirk.

Hiei just snickered in the back of the room. He knew about Kaito's little crush on Hikari, and he wasn't too happy about it.

Shizuru shot out of her seat and grabbed the teacher by the scruff of his collar, "Did you just insult my kids?"

Kurama put his hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down, "Now, now, Shizuru. You promised you wouldn't do this."

Shizuru slowly turned her head to the side, the glare evident on her face, "Shut up, Kurama. I'm working."

Kurama backed away from her a little, "Right, right," he started muttering to himself, "This is almost as bad as the time I tried to throw away her cigarettes…"

Mr. Ryo grinned and grabbed a stress ball off his desk, slinking it up and down, "Well, we all know who holds the balls in _this_ relationship!"

"OOOOOOOOO! KURAMA GOT BURNED!" Yusuke cheered from his seat, and shut up as soon as Kurama's narrowed eyes made their way to him.

Shizuru just grabbed the stress ball, put it on her shoulder, and patted it, "Well, it's not as big… but it'll have to do."

Kurama blushed and put his head in his hands, "Oh mother of god."

Botan, Yukina, and Keiko perked up, "Oh?"

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei glared.

Shizuru sauntered over to the chair she was previously in, and plopped down in it with her legs sprawled out.

"Shizuru, for god's sake, please, close your legs," Kurama begged her, knowing he wasn't going to last long. (XD My god!)

Shizuru shook her head, a light smirk plastered on her lips, "Nah… I don't feel like it."

"OOOOOOOOO!" Yusuke hollered again, punching a fist in the air.

Kurama put his hands together, begging again, "Shizuru, please. Do it for me."

"That's not what you said last night, Kurama," Shizuru purred.

"OOOOOOOOOO! JERRRY, JERRY, JERRY!" Yusuke kept hooting, jumping up and down in his seat.

Botan smiled cheerily, "You watch Jerry Springer, Yusuke? Me too!"

Yusuke turned to her, "Did you see last episode? That was hilarious!"

"Oh, yeah!" Botan nodded, "It was a bit scary though…"

Hiei glowered at them, annoyed that Botan was paying more attention to Yusuke than him. (He still has jealousy problems. XD.)

Shizuru coughed, taking the attention back to her.

"Just take her to the bathroom and get it over with, Kurama!" Yusuke laughed and Keiko went to slap him again.

Kurama shook his head, "This is a school, Yusuke! That's sick!"

Mr. Ryo had about enough of this, "That's ignorant. You're being ignorant. Stop being ignorant!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yusuke finally got out of his desk and punched the air again.

Keiko hit him upside the head, "Yusuke, he was making fun of _us_ that time!"

"…Oh! …BBUUURRRNNNN!"

Yukina shook her head and Kuwabara started hooting with Yusuke.

"Hn. Morons."

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yusuke shouted again, still not having a clue he was making fun of himself.

Kurama threw his hands up in the air, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" he screamed and dragged Shizuru out of her seat and to the bathroom.

Botan, Keiko, and Yukina blushed.

…Five seconds of silence…

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SHUT UP!" Hiei snapped and hit him over the head with his katana.

Mr. Ryo gave a pointed look to Hiei, "Sir, you're not aloud to have weapons in school."

Hiei glared at him, "Hn."

Yusuke looked around, "What the hell am I doing here? I should be following those two!" Yusuke stomped out the door, a stethoscope in hand to listen at the door.

Keiko ran out of the classroom in a huff, and came back ten minutes later, dragging Yusuke in by his ear.

"COME ON, KEIKO! IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD! YOU EVIL WOMAN!" Yusuke struggled and Keiko finally left him in a heap on the floor.

Another five minutes of silence went by before Kurama came through the door, looking refreshed and cheery.

Kuwabara watched and shook his head, "Man, that's creepy…"

"It's worse than your face," Hiei muttered.

Mr. Ryo, fed up with everything, decided he was going to retire. But not before kicking them out of his classroom.

Yusuke burst outside through the door and shook his fist up at the lit window of the classroom they were just in, "Yeah? SAME TO YOU, ASSHOLE!"

Kurama sighed, walking out, looking at the ticket in his hands. He started mumbling angry, "Ticket for assaulting a teacher? Who ever heard of anything so ridiculous!"

Yusuke grinned and just patted his back, "You did good today, Kurama."

Shizuru just sauntered out with a smirk on her face, "Heck yeah, he did!"

"Oh god, not again!" Kurama whined and looked up to the sky, "Why on earth did I marry this woman?"

"I don't know, you tell me," A voice said from up in the sky. Kurama's eyes widened and he decided he would never pray to god again.

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!"

((End Chapter))

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Eh, I'm not too fond of this chapter for some reason. I hope you like it anyway! This _may_ be the last chapter of the story, but probably not. I guess it depends on the reviews, since I've kind of lost my inspiration. They help. n.n;; 


	13. Epilogue: Part 4

_Disclaimer_- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Note: This is the last chapter. Bye you guys. T.T And this one will feature all the parents and kids together.

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**They Had Kids!**  
_Epilogue: Part 4

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_

((Rei's House))

While everyone was talking about how they think the parent-teacher conference went and not paying attention, Kaito got back up and turned on the playboy channel.

Hikari blushed _and_ glared at him, "Turn that crap back off!"

Kaito shrugged and walked into the kitchen to grab another soda. Rei scowled at his back and went to push the power button on the TV, but it wasn't working, "What the heck? Kaito, what the hell did you do to my TV?"

Kaito's head popped out from the kitchen with a grin, "Oh, is it broken? I didn't do anything, just a stroke of good luck!"

"Maybe for you!" Honoo snapped, but couldn't take his eyes away from the TV…

Hikari smacked her brother in the back of the head, "Oh, no! You're not turning into a closet perv too!"

Kaito came back out with his soda and plopped down on the couch, getting comfortable, "Dinner and a show, anyone?"

Nadare's cheeks were extremely red, "Where's the remote? And what are they _doing_?"

Ever the funny one, Kaito just kept grinning, secretly patting the remote in his pocket, "Ask Rei's dad when he gets home."

Rei went to punch him, but he caught her wrist, "I told you to leave my dad out of this!"

"Great, the power on the TV doesn't work and we don't have the remote. What are we gonna do when our parents get here?" Hikari asked grumpily from her seat on the couch with her arms crossed.

"Eh, who-" Kaito didn't get a chance to finish before the door bell rang.

"HOLY BIGGO, THEY'RE HERE!" Honoo started freaking out, while Nadare innocently walked to the door and opened it.

"AH! IT'S THE CAT-EATER!" She screamed in horror and ran back to the group, hiding Shimo from view.

Hikari grabbed onto Kaito's arm and once again he was grinning like a maniac, until the boy from the bus walked in.

Everyone stood stock-still while he walked up to them, "There you are Hikari. It's time for our date, remember?"

"Sorry, I don't recall," Hikari turned her head away.

Rei gave him an odd look, wondering how the hell he knew where they all were, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, she wasn't at her house, so I figured she was over here. Kaito's house would have been my next stop."

Honoo jumped up from his spot on the ground and pointed an angry finger at the boy, "STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM MY SISTER, YOU STALKER!"

Kaito nodded in agreement, "YEAH! NOW EVERYBODY RUN, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"

The group just stared at him, staying where they were. He sighed and sat back down on the couch, "Heh. Guess not."

The kid looked at the TV and his eyes lit up, "Oh! Playboy, nice!" he plopped down on the couch next to Hikari and wrapped his arm around her just like Kaito had. Hikari wriggled out of his grasp with a disgusted look on her face.

"Can't you just throw him out?" Kaito grit out, pulling Hikari away from the kid.

Rei sighed, "Sadly, not. The only person who can do that is my-"

"LUCY, WE'RE HOME!" Yusuke came bursting through the door, throwing out his arms.

"-Dad." Rei finished.

Nadare frowned, looking around, "Who's Lucy?"

"More importantly, is she hott?" Kaito smirked.

Honoo sweat-dropped and patted her on the back, "Nobody, Nadare. Nobody."

You could hear a growl coming from behind Yusuke right before he fell flat on the ground. Hiei just stepped right over his body and walked into the room, followed by the rest of the Reikai Tantei and their respective partners.

Yusuke perked up and ran into the living room, "Is that the playboy channel I hear?"

Honoo's eyes widened in horror and he dove on top of the TV to cover the screen, but ended up knocking it over and breaking it.

Yusuke fell to his knees in agony, "NOOOOOO! MY HAPPY PLACE!"

When the crash was heard, Keiko came running into the living room with the rest of the parents, "My TV! How am I supposed to watch Oprah now?"

"Screw Oprah, woman! What about my playboy channel?" Yusuke wailed from his spot on the floor.

"Wait… they were watching playboy?" Botan glared at her friend on the floor.

"Yeah, well who the hell's that kid?" Yusuke said, pointing to the kid from the bus, trying to take attention away from himself.

The kid put his hands up, "Hey, I'm not the one who broke the TV!"

Honoo started wailing from next to the TV, "I didn't mean it!"

Hiei grunted, "Hn. I'm not paying for that."

Yusuke got up off the floor, "Well neither am I!"

"It's your TV, moron."

"Oh, yes you are, Yusuke Urameshi!" Keiko glared and pulled her husband by his ear to the broken TV, "and just _why_ is there a playboy channel on my TV?"

Yusuke faltered and started sweating, "Uh… well, Kuwabara made me! He double dog dared me to do it!"

"What? I did not! You lie, Urameshi!" Kuwabara hollered, about to jump his friend.

Kurama narrowed his eyes at Yusuke, "You allowed my child to find the playboy channel on your TV."

Kaito grinned, "Hey, I'm not complaining."

Kurama sighed and rubbed his temples, "Why do you have to be so much like your mother?"

Yusuke looked at Rei, "Why can't you be like that? Oh, sweet Jesus, why can't I have a son?"

For that little comment, he would be spending many nights on the couch.

Kaito just shrugged and took a sip of his soda, wrapping his arm around Hikari again. Hiei saw this and his Jagan eye started glowing, "WHAT THE HN?"

Kurama stepped in front of Hiei, disabling him from killing his kid, "Anyway, Yusuke, you are _incompetent_. How could you allow all of our children to watch this? "

Shizuru scoffed, "Whatever. Just get rid of the channel. The TV's broken anyway. And why the hell is that kid still here?"

The kid shrugged and walked out. These people were _weird_.

Yusuke ran to the door, shaking his fist, "GOOD RIDDANCE!"

Botan sweat-dropped, watching as Yusuke walked back into the living room with a satisfied smirk on his face, "Yusuke, you didn't even know who he was!"

"So? Who wants coffee?"

Botan sighed and shook her head, "No thanks."

Yusuke looked down at Hiei, "What about you, you little goth munchkin? You want some coffee?"

Hiei grunted, "Hn. Coffee's disgusting."

"KEIKO, GET THE MAN SOME COFFEE!" He shouted to Keiko, who sighed and went to the kitchen to make some coffee, "THAT'S RGHT, SLAVE GIRL! BOW TO MY EVERY NEED!"

A fork came flying out of the kitchen and just missed Yusuke's head, "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING!"

"Hn. I don't want Coffee, detective."

"Yeah? Well that's too bad."

Out of nowhere, they could hear a shout come from the back door, "FO SHIZZLE, YO!"

Kuwabara's eyes widened, "DAWG? IS THAT YOU, OL' BUDDY?"

Yusuke promptly grabbed his shotgun (not that he needed it, he's got spirit gun), "THEY'VE COME BACK TO HAUNT ME!"

Rei just banged her head on the coffee table, "Oh god, not again."

Hikari looked back at the sliding door, that lead to the back yard, "What _is_ that?"

Hiei walked over to his child, "It's what makes the oaf even stupider. Just ignore it and maybe it'll go away."

…_HN! HE'S BACK FOR THE ONNA!_

Hiei promptly grabbed Botan and took her into the kitchen with Keiko, and walked back out with his katana out of its sheath.

"Dad, it's just a squirrel!" Honoo said, running in front of his dad.

"Soon to be a dead squirrel," Hiei grinned maliciously and Dawg waved to someone next to the door. A minute later, Canary showed up and two baby squirrels followed.

Kuwabara ran to the door and opened it, letting the squirrels in.

Yusuke cocked his gun, but Kurama grabbed it away from him and put it on the wall, shaking his head. Yusuke growled, "Get the damn squirrels out of my house!"

"Simma down, yo. This playa just came by to show off my mini-playas," Dawg told him, and the two baby squirrels came back from behind him, "Amen to that, shizzle!"

All the kids just sat on the couch and shook their heads. Rei was in complete disbelief, "E-everything he said… it w-was true."

Kuwabara shook his head, "You actually married Canary?"

"Hellz yeah, I did!"

* * *

((Flashback))

Canary stood over Dawg's 'dead' body, crying, "I promise Dawg, if we get out of here, I'll marry you, and maybe even stop cheating on you! …Except with chicken when he's drunk, he's fun when he's like that! I swear! Just get up!"

Dawg's finger twitched and Canary's eyes widened, she shook him, and he started to cough. Confused, she pulled off his 'balla' jersey and under he was wearing a bullet proof vest. With a wry grin he coughed, "A balla's gotta be prepared when ya runnin' in da hood."

"Oh, Dawg!"

((End Flashback))

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Kurama shook his head, utterly amazed, "Okay, well…"

And as things come to an end, all of their lives are nearly complete.

"Coffee's ready!"

And now they're complete… well, at least Yusuke's is.

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And that my friends, is the end.


End file.
